“Would . . . would that kill you? Getting hit by a car?”
His mouth quirked into another half smile. He had to know how potent those were. “Probably not. But I suspect it would not feel very good.”
I couldn’t help but smile back at him at his dry attempt at humor. “Yeah, I can’t imagine it would feel good for anyone.”
“Maybe I should suggest that Reginald attempt it and ask him to report back.”
That got a small laugh from me despite everything. Frederick’s posture visibly relaxed, and his smile grew. He really had such an incredible smile. It lit up his entire face and made him seem . . .
More human, I realized suddenly.
That brought me back to reality.
This was ridiculous. I couldn’t let myself get distracted by my attraction to him. I still had so many questions, and it felt like the more answers he gave me, the more questions I had.
“I should have told you the truth from the outset,” he said again, eyes on the floor.
The contrition in his voice was unmistakable. “Yeah. You should have. My roommate was a vampire, Frederick. And I had no idea.”
His eyes fluttered closed, the corners of his lips turning down a little. When he looked at me again his dark brown eyes were apologetic. “I hope you can understand why I was initially reluctant to share the truth of my situation with a complete stranger.” He paused. “Or, at the least, that you will one day find it within yourself to forgive me for starting things off so badly.”
He looked away again, chastened.
“I . . . think I understand,” I began. “And I might be willing to help you, if you still want my help.”
He sat up straighter in his chair. “Really?”
“Possibly,” I clarified, holding up a hand.
I thought of how he had made me feel while we lived together—with his gifts of fruit and cookware, his warm glances, and his sincere interest in my art. And my financial situation was no better now than it had been when I moved in with him two weeks ago; the two-hundred-dollar rent would come in just as handy now as it had before.
Even still, I needed to do some more thinking. This whole situation was objectively surreal.
“I understand,” Frederick said.
“Good,” I said. “I need to think about whether providing live-in, hands-on life instructions to a vampire is something I can deal with before committing to doing it.”
Frederick held his hands up in front of his face, frowning at them. “Hands-on? I will admit I had not imagined using our hands as a part of the instruction process. But if you think touching would help . . .”
If I’d been drinking my cappuccino at that moment, I’d have spat it out all over the table. Suddenly, it felt like the temperature in Gossamer’s had increased by ten degrees. “Oh my god. No—it’s just a figure of speech.”
He looked at me. “It’s a figure of speech?’？”
“Yeah. Hands-on just means learning by doing.”
A pause. “Learning by doing?”
“Yes,” I said. “The way you ordered your drink tonight, for example. I’d consider that hands-on instruction. You learned how to order a drink by ordering a drink.”
Recognition dawned on his face. “Oh, yes. I see.” His eyes dropped to his mug.
And then, he leaned in a little closer to me across the table.
A smart person in my situation would probably have reacted to that by backing away and putting more space between us. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It wasn’t just that he looked incredible, though that was certainly part of it. Despite everything—who and what he was, and the fact that he hadn’t been totally honest with me when I’d moved in—I wanted to trust him.
I did trust him.
But I didn’t trust him enough to let myself be drawn in like that again. Deliberately, and with more difficulty than I would have liked, I made myself shift back in my chair to increase the distance between us again.
He seemed to understand my intent, because he added, “I understand if you still need time to think things through.”
He didn’t sound happy about it at all.
Which made no sense.
“Even if I can’t live with you again, Frederick, you’ll just find someone else who can.”
His eyes went hard. “Impossible. I . . .” He trailed off, then shook his head. “While yes, I suspect I could find another roommate, given adequate time, I will not find anyone who can instruct me so well as you.”
That surprised me. “I’m nothing special.”