It had, and that night had been insane. “How do you remember what I wore that night?”
He didn’t answer the question and instead asked his own. “What about that yellow dress you have? The one with buttons down the front?”
What the hell was happening?
Don’t call attention to it.
She did a one-eighty back to her closet and mouthed holy shit to her clothes. Carefully keeping her expression neutral, she faced him again. “This one?”
“Yeah. I’ve always thought you look nice in that one. You know, goes with your hair and stuff.”
It suddenly felt as if the walls of her room were slowly moving in. “Really?”
“Why are you looking at me like that? It shouldn’t be news to you that I think you’re beautiful.”
A tingle spread along the back of her neck as if he’d touched her there. “Beautiful?”
He appeared dumbfounded. “Have I not made that clear?”
“I don’t know… You usually use words like hot or sexy. Beautiful sort of feels like a different category.”
“You’re all of them. Hot, sexy, beautiful. Gorgeous. Stunning. A knockout. Take your pick and let’s move on already. The guy finding you attractive is the last thing you should be worried about.”
It took a second for her brain to trip over all the flattering words he’d just used to describe her and arrive at the second part. She stiffened. “Because once he gets to my personality I’m in trouble?”
“What? Hell no. I didn’t say that. I don’t understand why you’re so convinced you’re not the kind of woman men want. It’s total bullshit.”
Claire deflated. “I’m sorry. I think I’m just nervous.”
“Don’t be. I’m already mentally preparing myself for the chance you two hit it off and you come home engaged, and I may never kiss you again.”
“Whoa, slow down. I don’t believe in love at first sight, remember?”
He rotated so he could sit on the edge of her bed. “Right.”
She regarded him for a second, hoping common sense would rouse her rarely used filter and prevent the next words from leaving her lips. No such luck. “Would it bother you to never kiss me again?”
Graham’s chin dipped but his gaze lifted to hers, his eyes dark and conflicted. “I think it’s best I don’t answer that.”
Claire could interpret that two ways. One, it would bother him but he didn’t want to admit it. Maybe the thought freaked him out like it did her. Or two, it wouldn’t bother him, but he didn’t want to risk offending her and forgoing the chance to get laid in the near future.
Based on the Graham she knew, odds were it was reason number two.
He pushed to his feet. “I’d better let you get ready…unless you need help getting dressed?”
Definitely reason number two. “I’m good.”
“Have fun tonight,” he said, and tossed a lingering smile over his shoulder before he left.
16
From: [email protected]
Subject: I…like you?
Claire,
You just left for your date with Mr. Real Estate. You wore the yellow dress. Which makes me an asshole, because while you look damn good in it, it’s the green top that would have made the guy lose his mind. And contrary to what I said, I guess I’m not ready to let this go yet.
I’m not sure what it is, but I’m inclined to blame you. You’ve been taking my dog on walks, for crying out loud. If there’s a faster way to my heart I don’t know what it is. Don’t freak out （me—I’m telling myself that）， I’m not professing my undying love or anything ridiculous. I’m just feeling…something. Something I haven’t let myself feel in a long time, and I don’t know why it’s changing with you. For the most part I’m the same Graham around you as I am around everyone else, but lately I’ve slipped and said some things to you I don’t normally talk about, like my mom’s MS diagnosis or the fact that we were too poor to have a pet when I was growing up.
You didn’t run away screaming or get all weird and awkward. It was nice.
AND, though I don’t want to admit it, I’ve sort of liked these secret conversations we’re having via email. Secret because you don’t know about them, but on my end they’re going well. I get why people do this （but I’ll take that to my grave if you ever find out and ask me about it）。 It’s sort of freeing to be able to say anything and put it all out there without fear of shame, embarrassment, or rebuke. None of which I particularly enjoy, but lived with on a daily basis before I left Santa Fe for college.