How did you do that?
This was supposed to be just sex. I’m inclined to accuse you of having a magic vagina, but on second thought it seems far-fetched. Plus, there’s the fact that I’ve had hints of this feeling every time we’ve kissed, and more that night we messed around. But tonight? It was multiplied by factors of infinity and I hardly did anything. You were so damn sexy and confident and I’ve never seen a woman so beautiful.
What will you feel like when I can move with you and use my whole body? How will it feel for you when I’m on top, or when I push you against the wall? How will it feel to me?
Fuck, I hope I get the chance to find out. And not only because it felt good （and believe me, it felt GOOD）， but there’s something else, too. Something that freaks me out a little bit.
I don’t usually look women in the eye when we have sex. Weird, right? I think it’s sort of like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman and how she didn’t kiss on the mouth. It just feels so personal. I just don’t really like letting people see too deep, you know? I opened up once with Angela, and that shit followed me for years. Never again, I promised myself.
So they see what I want them to see, which is a fun, confident, adventure-loving guy who doesn’t care about much else, and definitely doesn’t care about what people think of him. But I’ve always believed that saying that eyes are the window to the soul, and while I can control what I reflect most of the time, barriers fall down during sex. For me, at least. I figure I probably shouldn’t be doing it if I can’t let go at least a little. Still, I’ve always held on to a shred of emotional privacy, even when my body is for the taking.
But just now? With you? I felt myself slipping. My eyes kept drifting to yours even when I didn’t want them to, and I couldn’t stop looking at you. I desperately wanted to know if you’d let go and if I could see all the way down into the hidden corners of you, or if you were closed off in places, too.
Usually I don’t care about that shit. I’ve never been in it for that. But that was before you.
I’m not gonna say anything yet, and you still don’t know about these letters. This cast comes off soon, and then I find out where my recovery goes from there. And I hope that means you and I have more time and I can figure out what this is and what, if anything, I’m gonna do about it.
I can say one thing for sure, Claire Harper. You caught me off guard and I don’t scare easy.
Graham
PS. Sorry I ripped your dress. I’ll buy you a new one.
17
Claire sunk into the couch cushions with a sigh. “It feels so good to sit.”
Mia, perched in the perpendicular armchair, tucked her leg underneath herself. “Busy day?”
“Very.” Claire spread her arms along the back of the couch. “But I’m so glad you came over. Graham couldn’t stop texting me today about how excited he was Noah was taking him out. I finally had to turn my phone off when the charge nurse kept giving me dirty looks.”
Graham had started back at the station on light duty, which meant he was filing paperwork all day. While it was something, it wasn’t enough. He’d already complained about needing someone to take him to and from work, and a desk job was the last thing he wanted to be doing.
Mia laughed. “I’m pretty sure Noah’s just taking him to Wings To Go.”
“Doesn’t matter. The man would be happy with a trip to stand in line at the DMV right now.” Gertrude leaped up and sidled over next to Claire’s thigh. Claire absently scratched the dog’s head and pulled up PostMates on her phone. “Is it okay if we order in? I’m too tired to go anywhere.”
When Mia didn’t answer right away, Claire looked up to find her friend watching her and Gertrude curiously.
“What’s happening?” Mia asked. “I thought you and Gertrude hated each other.”
Claire shrugged. “We’ve resolved our differences. Most of them, anyway.”
“Huh.”
Claire narrowed her eyes. “What’s that tone?”
“There was no tone.”
“Mia Agnew. You can’t lie to me. When has that ever worked?”
Mia’s eyes searched the ceiling.
“Never.”
“Okay, fine! I was just wondering if your sudden change in relationship status with Gertrude has anything to do with what’s going on with Graham.”
Claire arched a brow. “What’s going on with Graham?”
Mia crossed her arms. “You tell me.”