My heart ached at his words. I’d loved this man since we were teenagers. I didn’t want to see him hurting, even when he’d hurt me badly.
Even when I’d felt lost, and he hadn’t been there for me in any way.
Why was that okay with me?
“Well, I suggest you take some time to figure it out. I’m always going to be your friend, and I’m here for you. But as long as you’re with Christy and I’m with Finn, that’s all I can be to you.”
He nodded. “I get it. I’m sorry. And the truth is, I could use a friend right now. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”
I nodded. I couldn’t say the same back to him because that would be a lie.
“I’m here for you.”
“Thank you. Now, show me what you have in mind for my office.”
We got back to work, and we spent the next few hours talking about his office, life, and just hanging out.
For the first time since I’d left for London, I didn’t feel that horrible distance between Carl and me.
But the closeness didn’t feel the way that it should feel either.
I was ready to leave, so I packed up my stuff.
Finn had texted me and said that he’d prepared a picnic for us so we could take the horses down to the water and have dinner out there.
And I couldn’t wait to get home.
To see Finn.
And that thought alone terrified me.
fifteen
Finn
Reese and I had driven to the city this afternoon, as we’d both been swamped with work this week. I’d had several meetings, the most exciting being with my agent, where we’d finalized everything for the big-screen movie production I’d been offered the lead in. My career had really launched since Big Sky Ranch was the hottest streaming series out there at the moment. The movie had a tight timeline, and they’d agreed to work around my schedule, which meant I’d be leaving for Tokyo right after New Year’s, and I’d be there for four weeks, and then I’d come home and start shooting season two.
I knew that I needed to strike while the iron was hot.
Reese’s business was also taking off. She had two clients, one being that dick weasel of an ex, who I doubted was really hiring her because he wanted his office professionally decorated. I had a hunch that jealousy was eating him up, and he would do just about anything to keep her close.
She hadn’t said much since her meeting with him at his house earlier in the week, so either he hit on her or said something she wasn’t ready to tell me because she’d been tight-lipped ever since.
I was at a fork in the road. I wanted the best for her—first and foremost, that was what I always wanted for Reese.
I was struggling with what to do at the moment. A part of me wanted her to have everything she wanted, and if that was Carl, I wouldn’t interfere with it.
But something had shifted in me. Maybe it was the lack of sex. Maybe it was the realization that I’d missed the shit out of her during our time apart. Maybe it was that hot-as-fuck night in my bathroom, or the fact that I wanted her in a way I’d never wanted anyone.
And that was fucking scary.
At first, I thought it was because she was off-limits because we’d made a pact. That maybe I just wanted what I couldn’t have, wanting the unknown. But being with her in London and seeing her so vulnerable after not being with her for so long—I think I knew I wanted her with me then. And not just in a friendly way. In a future sort of way… the way she wanted to be with Carl. And that sucked for me unless Carl was to fall by the wayside.
Fuck.
I wasn’t a relationship guy, so I didn’t have much to offer her. I didn’t know what I was capable of, and fucking anything up with Reese would be… unacceptable.
The worst move I could ever make.
Because there was no world that I existed in that she wasn’t a part of.
And she knew me better than I knew myself.
The potential for me to fuck things up was high—not that she’d shown any signs of being willing to go there either. Hell, she was still shaming herself for that drunken night in the bathroom weeks ago.
So, it wasn’t like I could tell her I wanted to give things a try for real. She’d laugh in my face. And she’d have a damn good reason to.
So, I’d fake date her. Continue being her best friend. And if the opportunity to cross the line and rock her fucking world presented itself, I would take it. See if we were as good together in the physical way as I hoped we were.
Give her a chance to see me in a different light.
I was older now. I’d played around enough to know what I wanted. I was tired of the game. Sure, I wanted to get laid; I was a sexual dude. But the problem was, I didn’t want anyone else.