I could feel him moving through the bedroom, and I heard the click of the lights turning off. The room was dark, and I squeezed my eyes closed because I was fighting the urge to act on my desire.
Something we’d always agreed we’d never do.
The weight of his body had the bed moving as he slid in beside me. His warm breath tickled my cheek from his nearness. He radiated warmth, and I wanted to wrap myself around him.
“You fake sleeping, Miney?” His voice was deep and low, and there was humor there.
“Well, we’re fake dating, so it only seems natural.” I chuckled.
His thumbs moved to my eyelids, and he forced them open, which made me laugh harder.
“Why are you hiding?”
“I’m not hiding,” I whispered. The light from the moon coming through the windows overlooking the city created a halo around his handsome face.
God, he was a beautiful man.
It was only right that he would never settle down. It wouldn’t be fair if only one woman got to enjoy this man for the rest of her life.
I was lucky enough to be the woman he called his best friend. So, in a way, Finn did belong to me. But not entirely. He’d never fully give himself to anyone.
He knew he’d tire of them, and he would never want to disappoint anyone. That was the kind of man he was.
“Tell me what’s going on. Why were you jealous tonight?”
“I don’t know, Chewy. I guess the lines are blurring a bit for me.” My tongue swiped out to lick my lips, as my mouth was dry because having him so close to me was torture. “Not in the way you’re thinking, so don’t panic. I know what we are. I guess I just felt possessive because we’re putting on a show and all.”
“Yeah? You sure that’s what it was?”
“What else could it be?” I asked. His fingers had moved down to my jaw, and he stroked each side in the most soothing rhythm.
“It’s okay to admit you’re attracted to me. I admitted it to you.”
“Fine. I’m attracted to you. I mean, I think every woman with a pulse is attracted to you.”
“So, what do you want to do about it?” His leg brushed against mine as we closed what little distance we had between us so our bodies were flush together.
“Well, admitting it and acting on it are two very different things. We made a pact years ago, and I think we should honor that.”
“What is it that you’re afraid of?” he asked, but he moved his thumb to press gently against my lips, holding it there for a moment so I wouldn’t answer just yet. “I already love you, and you already love me, so that’s not going to change. We aren’t strangers who might realize they love one another after crossing the line. We already do. So, we’d just be giving in to something that we both want. At least I know I do.”
God, I wanted it, too.
“What if it ruins everything? We have a little fun, and then you leave for Tokyo after the holidays, and we stage a fake breakup, and Carl and I get engaged again—it’s going to be weird between us. And I would never want to do anything to hurt what we have, because it’s everything to me.” My voice broke, and a tear slipped down my face.
I was in some sort of horndog hell. I’d never wanted anyone so badly, and I knew in my gut that it would end up destroying us.
I could survive in a world where Carl rejected me. I’d already proven that. And yes, in the end, it would hurt like hell, but I’d move on and find someone else who wanted what I wanted.
But I couldn’t survive in a world where Finn and I weren’t best friends. It would be dark and cold and lonely. And there would be no way to find another Finn Reynolds.
The loss would be too much for me.
“Reese,” he whispered, his forehead resting against mine as he wrapped his arm around me. Our legs were tangled together. His erection was weighing heavy against my lower belly, and desire pooled between my legs. “You will never lose me. There is no world in which I could exist that didn’t have you in it. I know that you want to be with Carl. There are no secrets here. But you’re single, and I’m single, and all I want to do tonight is make you feel good. You deserve to feel good. And I want you so fucking much I can’t see straight. We both know what this is. We’re living together, and the whole world thinks we’re together. So why not enjoy it?”
My fingers moved up the back of his neck, running through his hair. “You make a good argument. Carl thinks we’re having sex anyway, and God knows he’s having plenty of it. Maybe you could teach me a thing or two.” A nervous chuckle escaped my lips.