Abby had told Marj, at Breakaway, how much she’d enjoyed leading the group, and Marj told Abby that Abby had gotten excellent feedback from her riders, and promised she’d keep her in mind for future adventures. Abby had gone back to work at Pup Jawn, so she’d be able to cover her rent. And then, she’d started to figure out the next piece and whether there was a way to get paid for doing the thing she loved. A bike club to empower young women. She would start by talking to Lizzie, and Gabriella, her librarian friend, who’d set up the camp in Kensington. They’d probably know who else could help.
She’d done her best to keep busy, but she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Sebastian. At least, so far, she had managed to keep herself from calling or texting him. Nor had she googled him, or tried to find him on social media.
The day that Mark had confronted her in Buffalo, and for a few days after, Sebastian had barraged her with texts. Abby, please call me and Are you okay and Can we talk? She hadn’t responded, and the texts had stopped. Since then, there’d been nothing. Abby told herself that it was for the best and turned toward the task of telling friends and family that she and Mark were no more.
She’d started with Lizzie, biking to her friend’s apartment and giving her the whole saga as she sat on Lizzie’s couch with Grover snoozing on her lap.
Lizzie was enthralled, sympathetic, and outraged in turns as Abby told her about Morgan Mackenzie’s detour, her nights with Sebastian, and about how the Breakaway ride had concluded.
“Do you know how awful it is to tell a guy that it isn’t him, it’s you? No matter how much you mean it, it always sounds like a lie,” Abby said. She could still picture how devastated Mark had looked, that blank, shocked expression on his face. She could also still hear the bitterness in his voice as he’d asked, That guy, Abby? Really? “I hate myself for wasting so much of his time.”
“You couldn’t have wasted his time if he wasn’t willing to let his time be wasted,” Lizzie said. “Look at it this way—he got to spend, what? Almost two years with you? He was lucky,” Lizzie said, as Abby groaned.
“I feel like I ruined his life.”
“I think,” Lizzie said carefully, “that maybe you’re giving yourself a little too much power here.” She leaned forward. “And Eileen? Did she see it go down?”
Abby shook her head, grimacing like she’d swallowed something bitter. “She saw him there, and she knows we talked, but I didn’t see her after that. And I think she knew there was something going on with Sebastian.”
“Oof,” Lizzie said softly. “So what’s your plan?” When Abby didn’t answer, she said, “I take it you haven’t seen Eileen since you’ve been home.”
“I kind of snapped at her at the end of the trip,” Abby said.
“So you’ll apologize.”
“And she doesn’t know that I broke up with Mark.”
“So you’ll tell her.”
Abby nodded. She was dreading telling Eileen that she and Mark were through, almost as much as she’d dreaded telling Mark himself, but she knew it had to be done.
“Let’s put a pin in Eileen,” Lizzie said. “Can we talk about the TikTok guy now? The Romeo of Red Hook? The Gowanus Don Juan?”
Abby closed her eyes. “Can we not?”
Lizzie leaned close to shake Abby’s shoulders. “You skimped on the details. I want the whole story. Every twist, every turn. Leave nothing out.”
“Okay,” Abby said. She found that she was smiling, a little, in spite of everything. Even if she never saw Sebastian again—and she was pretty sure that she would never see Sebastian again—she would remember how it felt to be desired by a guy like that. She could carry it with her like a keepsake or a jewel; a treasure to pull out and consider when she needed to remember that she was worthy; that a guy like him had found her desirable and beautiful.
In the end, it didn’t take long to tell the story. Lizzie clasped her hands, sighing happily when Abby told about their first kiss, in the deluge between Syracuse and Seneca Falls. She’d squeezed Abby’s hand when she recounted how she had sent Mark away, then gotten on her bike without talking to Sebastian; riding loops around Buffalo until the sun went down.
“He was texting me nonstop that day, and right after, but nothing since then.” Abby sounded glum. She felt glum, and foolish, swinging between regret at breaking up with Mark and yearning for Sebastian.