“Like what?” she replies, eyes wide.
“Like you see hope for His & Hers towels in our future,” I hiss.
It’s her turn to glare. “You know I would never give you monogramed towels as a wedding present. Is that really what you think of me?”
“This is so not about the towels. Why are you so okay with me dating Ryan?”
“Because he’s good for you and he’s good to you. What else could I possibly want for you in a partner?” she replies. “I’m just terrified that you’re not in the right place to receive his love, and you’re both gonna end up hurt. And I don’t know how to talk to you about it without making you bolt even faster.”
“Do you see me bolting?”
“Your running shoes are on, and you’re waiting for the sound of that starter pistol,” she replies honestly. “You always are, honey. And Ryan doesn’t deserve that. Frankly, neither do you. We all just want you both happy. If your best happiness comes from being together, that’s what we want.”
I suck in a breath. “Rachel…”
“That sweet man is not gonna bolt,” she says, pointing her finger in the direction of the restaurant windows. “Ryan Langley stays. If you want him, he’s yours for the taking. If you don’t, let him down gently…and soon. Because he is crazy about you, honey. He’s in this. He’s sticking. Let him stick…or let him go.”
“I can’t give him what he wants,” I whisper, tears burning in my eyes.
“He wants you,” she replies. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re the only person who can give him that.”
“He wants a version of me that I don’t know if I’m ready to be,” I explain.
“And what version is that?”
I swallow down the emotion sitting thick in my throat. “Wild Tess,” I whisper. “The Tess who laughs and dances in her underwear. Free Tess who says what she thinks and takes what she wants. Fun Tess who plays with toys and fucks with joyful abandon.”
“He wants you then,” she says with a soft smile. “The woman you just described is the Tess I know and love. He sees you too, doesn’t he?”
I nod, glancing down at the empty sushi boat. “Yeah, I think he does.”
“And you’re terrified of being seen,” she summarizes.
I nod again.
“I’m sorry,” she says after a quiet minute. “I want to be there for you, but I don’t always get it right. I think it’s time that I settle for being your friend, not your partner or your guardian, certainly not your parent. Tess, I’m sorry. If I’ve ever overstepped or gotten in the way, I’m really sorry.”
I glance across the table. “Where is this coming from?”
She smirks. “Ryan might have yelled at me the other day.”
I gasp. “He did? Oh god, what did he say?”
Her smile widens. “He called me Hades…and he called my guys Cerberus…before he told us all to back the fuck off and leave you two alone. He seems to think he can take better care of you than I can.”
I laugh, picturing it in my mind. “Hades? Girl, that’s probably gonna stick.”
“I know. For a sweet puppy he’s got some bark,” she teases. “And a little bite.”
I groan, wiping my tear away with a frustrated flick of my finger. “Fuck, I cannot fall for a Virgo right now. He’s too centered for me, too uncomplicated.”
“He’s perfect for you,” she counters. “You need centered and uncomplicated. Does he call you out on your crap?”
“Yes. All the freaking time. It’s like I can’t get anything past him.”
Her smile widens. “Good. Is the sex any good?”
I glance up, letting her read my expression, and her smile turns into a laugh. Pretty soon we’re both laughing, holding our sides with tears in our eyes.
“Oh, you are in so much trouble,” she says with a slow shake of her head. “These Rays are something else, huh?”
“Says the woman who snagged not one but three,” I reply.
“Right?” She laughs. “You’re talking to the expert.”
“So, what do I do, oh wise one?” I tease. “Teach me the ways of the Rays Whisperer.”
She’s somber for a minute, her smile falling as her tone turns serious. “Don’t worry about Ryan or who you think he wants you to be. If you want to be fun Tess again, be her for yourself. Dance in your underwear, eat whipped cream from the can. Wild Tess is yours before she belongs to anyone else.”