She turns around, slower this time. “Curtains, then? Maybe something blue. And a dish of seashells. Apparently, no Florida home is complete without a decorative dish with some shells. Oooh, can that be my housewarming gift to you?”
“It’s not my home, Tess,” I say again.
I can almost see the relief on her face as she lets out a little breath. “Oh, is it like a rental, then? Diversifying your assets?”
“No, I’m gonna live here. This is my house. I’m gonna decorate it top to bottom. I’ll work out on my patio in the mornings, do beach walks at night. And yes, I’ll make my mac and cheese on the stove and play Mario Kart when I’m bored. But none of that will make this my home. Only one thing can do that.”
She goes still, her chest rising and falling as she eyes me warily. “What are you doing?” she finally asks, unable to play dumb a second longer.
“Not proposing,” I reply.
The breath she’s holding leaves her in a puff through parted lips. “Ohmygod, you were scaring the shit outta me,” she says, her hand covering her chest as she takes a deep breath. “Ryan, you said no marriage. You said you don’t believe in it—”
“And you said no man will cage you,” I counter. “You said you’ll never be someone’s wife again. So, I didn’t know how to fucking do this without making it seem like I’m proposing to you when I’m not. ‘Cause neither of us want that…right?”
She blinks at me, tears in her eyes, saying nothing.
And now my heart has fucking stopped. “Oh…fuck.”
She steps forward, one hand reaching out to me, whether to pull me closer or push me away, I have no fucking idea. “Ryan—”
“Tess, what the fuck are you doing to me,” I cry, dragging both hands through my hair.
“Nothing!”
“You can’t stand in the house I bought for you, wearing my cum between your legs, looking at me like that when I ask if you want to get married. I’m gonna freak the fuck out!”
She gasps. “You—what? Ryan, tell me you did not buy me this house!”
“Of course, I bought you a house,” I shout, gesturing around. “I gave up my death trap apartment weeks ago. And you said you couldn’t keep staying in Ilmari’s house after all the peeping Tom bullshit. I wanted a place where we could both start fresh. New chapter, right?”
Tears sting her eyes as she shakes her head.
“Don’t do that,” I say, my head mirroring her shake. “Don’t close off. Talk to me. Get it out.”
“I’m scared,” she admits. “This is all moving so fast. Ryan, I’m scared of what I feel for you. I have never loved another person the way I love you. Not as a friend, not as a lover. Not ever—”
“I feel the same way,” I say, stepping closer, my hands brushing down her arms. “Tess, I know I teased you and said I don’t believe in soulmates and love at first sight and all that stuff. And I’m still not sure I do,” I admit, taking her hands in mine. “I’m a rational guy, Tess. I like evidence. I like knowing a thing is real because I see it and feel it. But now, I’m beginning to think I didn’t believe in soulmates because I hadn’t met mine yet. How can you see and feel what it is for your soul to mate with another’s until you find that person meant to be yours?”
“Ryan…” she whispers.
“Tell me you don’t feel it too,” I challenge. “Tell me you don’t feel a…a rightness in yourself when we’re together. At first, I told myself it was lust. I told myself it would fade if I could just scratch that itch. But baby, it’s not fading. It just gets stronger. Every day the wanting you gets stronger. Do you not feel it too?”
“I do,” she admits, her voice small. It matches her hope. She’s not ready to dive in with both feet. Her trust burns like a weak candle on a windy day.
“One step at a time,” I say, being the strength I know she needs. “You don’t want to live at Ilmari’s house anymore, right?”
She shakes her head.
“Good, so move in here. You can have your own room if you want. Or you can sleep in my bed, and I’ll worship you like the goddess you are every day of the fucking week. Every night too,” I add with a grin. “And I’m thinking of adding a sauna out on the back deck.”
She smirks.
I cup her cheek, brushing my thumb along her soft skin. It might just be my favorite point of contact when we’re not fucking. I love the softness of her cheek. “We’re starting small. Let’s live together. No labels, no cages. Just two souls happiest together. Whatever else comes—marriage, babies, life partnerships, or a respectful parting of the ways, that door will always be open,” I say, pointing to the front door. “I will never hold you back or hold you down. I don’t need any papers or legal proof to mark what we both know is true.”