Movement sounds behind me and I start to turn, but someone wraps an arm around my neck, catching me in a chokehold.
I lift my hands to push it away, but someone else yanks them behind my back.
The stronger they strangle the life out of me, the more lightheaded I get. The last thing I see is Nikolai’s manic face “Payback time, motherfucker.”
34
MIA
I’m undeniably undergoing a drastic change and the worst part is that I can’t describe it.
All I know is that I’ve never been happier in my life.
Free.
Wild.
With no limits but the sky itself.
It’s all because of the crucial role Landon plays in my life. Ever since he forced his way past my walls, I’ve been experiencing a curious sense of novelty, adventure, and happiness.
That’s when I realized that before him, I was only living, never truly alive. I was so caught up in my childhood tragedy that I let it shackle and dictate how I should live my life.
But it doesn’t matter how confident or determined I’ve been, I still let the monster control the very foundation of my being and steal my voice forever.
Maybe that realization is why the recent bursts of happiness I’ve been experiencing seem flawed with a huge black hole in the middle.
Unless I deal with it, I know the hole will keep widening and possibly devour the good. At this point, I’m no different than a kid building a house of sand on the beach and expecting it to remain standing after being hit by a wave.
I still choose to hold on to the vain hope and the sparks of happiness with the desperation of a drowning woman.
I just can’t consider any different circumstances where complete happiness and peace is entirely impossible.
In a dream, maybe.
If I wake up, I’ll never be able to survive.
My heart rate hasn’t gone down since I was texting with Landon.
That was an hour ago.
I finished taking care of my garden, removed my gloves, and freshened up, then waited for him.
And waited.
But there’s still no trace of him.
I’m by the tall window overlooking the entrance, but my car is the only one in the driveway.
I check my watch for the thousandth time.
He made it seem as if he would be here in fifteen minutes, but that’s clearly not the case. He couldn’t have texted me from London or something, right?
This is starting to worry me. Especially since he never replied to the subsequent texts I sent asking about his whereabouts. Lan always replies to my texts.
Always.
My phone vibrates in my hand and I check it so fast, I nearly drop it. My shoulders hunch when I see the name on the lock screen, then guilt gnaws at my insides for feeling disappointed.
I’m such a horrible friend.
Brandon: Hey. Lan is with you, right?
My chest tightens and a burst of uneasiness spreads down my spine.
Bran knows about us and even told me that Lan seems to be genuinely trying not to be his asshole self for the first time. However, he never asks about us or what we do. In fact, he’s the type who’d rather be spared the details, unlike Remi, who called for a ‘meeting’ so he could get the latest gossip.
So the fact that Bran is asking now deviates from a pattern and I don’t like that. I type with unsteady fingers.
Mia: Why are you asking?
Brandon: Just tell me if he’s with you or not. Please.
Mia: He’s not. We were supposed to meet, but it’s taking him longer than usual to get here.
He reads the text but there’s no reply.
Mia: What’s going on? Is there something wrong?
Brandon: I don’t know, Mia. Maybe you’re the one who needs to tell me what the fuck is going on.
I stare at the text with my jaw nearly hitting the floor. That doesn’t sound like Bran, especially since I’ve never heard him curse.
My screen lights up again.
Brandon: I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you, but I think, no, I’m ninety percent certain your brother has something to do with Lan’s disappearance. He either kidnapped or assaulted him, then threw him in a ditch somewhere. That is, if he didn’t fucking kill him. Bloody hell.
My breathing quickens as I read and reread the words.
Mia: How do you know?
Brandon: It doesn’t matter how I know. I just do. We need to do something before it’s too late.
Shit. Don’t tell me…
Maya texted me earlier, inviting me for coffee. When I said no, she kept pestering me and asking where I was exactly and saying she’d come to meet me. But when I told her that I was at Landon’s, she finally gave up.