For a foolish moment, I thought Lan would with his crazy kinks and evil character. And yes, his presence helped, but the nightmares never completely vanished.
It’s me who desperately needs to acknowledge these tangled-up emotions and ideally find solutions for them.
“I’m fine, idiot,” I sign. “And, seriously, stop crying or you’ll ruin your makeup.”
“Don’t care.” She hugs me again, burying her face in my neck. “Promise you’ll tell me first when you’re ready to talk about ten years ago.”
I nod against her, even though I don’t plan to talk about it. Not now, not ever.
My shoulders lock together at the thought of mentioning the monster again. I barely managed to escape the first time. I won’t be able to make it out alive the second time.
Subtly, I pull away from Maya and tell her I need to use the bathroom.
Once I’m inside the stall, I lock the door and lean against it to catch my breath.
It’s all going to be okay. I’ve survived worse states of mind, so why does this one feel fundamentally different?
Cheerful female voices reach me from outside, then disappear. So I open the door and force a brave fa?ade.
The moment I step out, a hand wraps around my throat and shoves me back inside the tiny stall.
My back hits the flimsy wooden separator with a thwack as a tall frame looms over me with the horrifying aura of the Grim Reaper.
It’s insane how someone’s presence can take the form of a hurricane, but that’s exactly what I feel as I stare into Landon’s darkened eyes. There’s no trace of his permanent taunting smirk, as if he’s done pretending to be the charming god whose altar everyone worships at.
Right now, he looks nothing short of a beast who’s out for mayhem.
He kicks the door closed and slams his other hand beside my head. The thwack reverberates at the base of my belly as he imprisons me in his grip.
“Hi, muse. Miss me?”
I plant a hand on his chest and attempt to push him. All of a sudden, his firm yet loose hand on my throat tightens. The breath rushes out of my lungs in one whoosh and tears form at the corners of my eyes. I claw at the collar of his shirt, scratching the skin in a desperate effort to remove his grip.
Landon, however, doesn’t waver. Not even a little. Not even close. “Don’t fight me, Mia. Not when I’m so close to fucking you all up.”
Slowly, and against my better judgment, I drop my hand from his chest and stare at his monstrous face through my blurry vision. He means it, and I know that not only is it futile to fight, but if I do, I’ll also provoke his uglier side.
His fingers ease on my throat, but they’re not completely gone. “You’re intelligent enough to recognize my beast’s cues, so whatever gave you the impression that blocking and ignoring me was such a brilliant idea?”
I lift my shaky hands and sign, “I told you. I’m bored.”
“Nonsense.”
“I don’t want you anymore.”
“More fucking nonsense.”
“It’s not my problem that your ego is bigger than the earth and can’t take the reality.”
“What reality?”
“The fact that you’re not all that. I got a taste and the high only lasted for so long.” I glare at him, then shoot him his favorite sardonic smirk. “I’m fucking bored.”
It’s one moment, a fraction of a second in time, but I think I catch the subtle clenching in his jaw. The dark blue of his eyes morphs into a bottomless ocean where thousands of ships would meet their demise.
I’m not sure if I’m the ship or the storm that’s sinking it to the bottom. Maybe I’m both.
“The fucks I have to give about your feelings are nonexistent.”
“And yet you’re acting as clingy as a desperate ex.”
“Mia…don’t push it. You’re starting to piss me the fuck off.”
“Oh my. I’d be affected if I could care less.” I push him again. “As I said in that text, we’re done, Landon. Go find yourself another toy.”
“I never agreed to that and, therefore, it’s not happening.”
“You know what? This is your problem. You’re so conceited and up your own ass that you don’t even notice when others are bothered, suffocated, or completely miserable due to your presence and actions. You don’t care about the well-being of people close to you and even go out of your way to hurt them and sabotage their lives just because they happen to cross your path. If you look up the word asshole in the dictionary, you’ll find your picture on it.”