He turns around, sizing up her predicament. “The ‘hill’？ You mean this gentle slope that’s graded for wheelchair access?”
“Spoken like someone who’s never worn heels. Just give me your hand or something.”
Josh lets out a deep sigh, as if this is the biggest possible chore.
Ari grabs his hand, takes a tiny test step, and slips again. “Shit.” She looks up. “I’ll have to live here.”
With a shake of his head, Josh bends down, places his shoulder at her hip, and lifts her off the ground in one fluid motion.
“The hell?” she yelps, smacking him on the back, trapped in some kind of humiliating fireman carry.
“First, I don’t trust you not to take me down with you,” he says, heading down the slope. “Second, there’s finally a point to all the lumberjack presses and triceps dips I’ve been doing at the gym: lifting shopping baskets and women in non-functional shoes.”
“Hey!” she mutters. “Be careful where you put your hand, I can feel everything through this coat.”
“Watch your head.” He ducks down, passing through the arch to the other side. She can faintly catch the scent of his hair product.
“It’s not my head I’m worried about.”
“I’ll let you carry me on the way back.” He takes his damn time setting her back on her feet, with a grunt of effort. She tries to readjust her dress beneath her coat. There’s a good chance her breasts escaped their insubstantial constraints. “This spot is off the race route,” he says. “There’s a boarded-up cave somewhere around here.”
Ordinarily, Ari would be scrambling down the rocks to check out the cave, but at the moment, she has a more pressing need.
“Mind if I smoke this?” She retrieves a joint from her little clutch. It seemed classier than a vape pen.
He shakes his head and brushes some microscopic dirt off a large boulder before taking a seat.
“I kind of felt a”—she makes a jittery hand gesture—“thing coming on at the party.”
“I noticed.”
Ari flicks her lighter and slowly creates a cherry, rolling the joint between her fingers over the flame, pausing to take a small drag. She probably should do some deep breathing that doesn’t involve smoke inhalation, but when has that ever worked in a crisis?
She takes a long hit before offering it to him.
His gears turn for a few seconds, but she’s pleasantly surprised when he reaches for the joint. Ari leans against the cold rock wall of the arch, watching him draw the smoke in.
“It’s bad for your palate,” he says, “but who fucking cares now? It’s not like I’m at risk of oversalting someone’s duck confit.”
There’s a retort on the tip of her tongue, but who is she to lecture anyone about giving up?
“Your mom was pretty much running a visual analysis on the childbearing capabilities of my hips.”
“It’s hardwired in her amygdala.” He carefully passes the joint back to her and their cold fingers brush for a second. There’s a quick flash in her mind’s eye: Josh’s hand pressing against her lower back twenty minutes ago. Then tangled in her hair, holding it back. Pulling. That part’s not a memory fragment. It’s…something else. Too many cocktails, maybe. “My mother can’t help trying to fix my life.”
“It’s nice. I mean, I can see how that would be comforting—to have someone want that for you.” The contrast between the icy December air and the hot smoke shocks her lungs.
“When my dad and I weren’t speaking, she was the go-between. I think she still believes she can stitch that relationship back together even though he’s gone.” He takes a second hit and passes it back, leaning against the outcrop. “Fuck, this stuff always makes my heart race.”
Ari looks up at the night sky. The canopy of tree branches obstructs any view of the stars.
“I hate that I’m still wondering what Cass is doing tonight,” she says, letting the words spill out. “I hate that I can’t brush my teeth or pee without remembering how I hid in the bathroom while she cleared everything out of our apartment. I hate that I’m a creep who still sends her these photos just to provoke a reaction and prove to myself that she wanted me at one point.” Josh opens his eyes. “I’m one hundred percent sure that I’ll never give another person this…power ever again. I just want someone who makes me feel good for an hour and who won’t trick me into thinking it’s anything more than that.”