Or maybe it all unfolded exactly as it was supposed to.
Because she fucking said “I love you” clear as day and that has to mean something no matter what the context is and she didn’t explain it which means she didn’t take it back but she also didn’t acknowledge it and holy fucking shit he’s going to spin on this unless he gets his mind under control.
He’s not letting himself celebrate it. Not yet.
Instead, he’s running the events of yesterday over and over in his mind on a loop, where all the questionable shit gets warped and exaggerated and interrogated until it seems like the entire twelve hours was a long, tense argument with a few minutes of sex thrown in.
And now every single variable needs to be reexamined in order to create the right circumstance for the last twelve hours to happen again, but with a different ending.
What if he was supposed to run after her? If he’s already fucked that up, then should he call? Or, if that’s too much, what—does he text her? And when? There’s a decision tree here, already branching out of control. If he had something better to do with his time, he could distract himself.
But he doesn’t have anything else.
What he needs is an objective opinion. Someone who knows Ari and isn’t related to him and doesn’t hate his fucking guts.
He reaches for his phone. There is one someone who knows Ari, isn’t related to him, and well…does hate him. But he’ll have to settle for two out of three.
Mon, Jan 16, 7:36 a.m.
Josh: I need you to decode something.
Radhya: Who is this?
Josh: Josh.
Josh: Kestenberg
Radhya: we do NOT have a texting relationship after one lukewarm apology
Especially before 10 am
Josh: Did she talk to you already?
Radhya: who?
Who? Before he can answer, another notification comes in.
Briar: Morning, sunshine.
You left so fast yesterday.
What do you think of Gabe??
I thought we had a really great dynamic?
He flips back to his primary objective.
Josh: We did it.
Radhya: ?
Josh: Yesterday. We did it.
Radhya: are you trying to say you had sex?
Josh: Yes.
Ari and me.
We had sex.
He considers wrapping up the conversation right here, so it could feel like a win. As soon as she offers her begrudging congratulations, he can convince himself that Ari is just about to text her friends and shyly confess her true feelings.
Briar: Would it be weird because he slept with ari?
I mean I know they’re totally just friends now
But maybe still awk?
Josh drops the phone in disgust, only to pick it up again, impatient for Radhya’s response.
Josh: Ari didn’t call you yet?
Hypothetical question:
An “I love you” during sex.
Does it count?
Briar: askdfjsalgkjawoegjoi
FUCK. Wrong fucking text fucking MOTHERFUCKER.
Briar: I’m—
I cannot.
He tosses the phone across the bed. But then it buzzes again, and he has to pick it up because Radhya might suddenly have some crucial insight.
Briar: Alexa, play “Paper Rings”
Josh: Delete my number.
Briar: Okay, let me think
Was there eye contact?
He should just put the phone down, but her excitement is strangely gratifying. He flops down dramatically on his unmade bed.
Josh: Not possible at the time
Briar: Dirty!
What happened after you said it?
Josh: Why do you assume I said it and not her?
Briar: Do you really want me to answer that?
Josh: She said it. And then she panicked and left.
Hold on, Radhya’s calling.
Briar: omg start a gc rn
Josh: Absolutely not.
7:46 a.m.
Josh: How do I do that?
Mon, Jan 16, 7:49 a.m.
Josh: I can explain.
Briar: Hi Radhya!
Did you see my stories?
Btw where did you find those linens for the two-tops?
Josh: FOCUS.
Briar: Start from the beginning. Tell us everything.
Radhya: I do NOT want to hear everything.
Josh: We were arguing.
Briar: Ok but did you yell at each other with your faces really close and then just KISS?
was it Lover era or 1989?
Radhya: Are you fucking kidding me?
Didn’t I tell you to give her space?
Like, yesterday afternoon?
Briar: was it a little magical tho?
Did she touch your hair?
Radhya: ffs
Briar: At least give me an emoji to describe it.
Josh: I don’t use emoji.
Briar: THEY’RE PICTURES! PICK ONE
Josh:
Briar: I’m screaming
Radhya: What time did she leave?
Josh: 40 minutes ago.