“Asa . . .” she breathed, and then he was coming, too, his cheeks flushed as his body shuddered in release. He glanced down at where their bodies were still joined before looking back up at her.
“Holy fuck,” he said.
She couldn’t lie—it was quite gratifying to hear him say that. She stretched under him, feeling sated and a little smug. He pressed a hard kiss to her mouth that reminded her of the one he’d given her the morning after their night at Cold World—like he was declaring something, or sealing something. Then, she hadn’t known what. Now, she dared to hope.
He finally rolled off her, disappearing into the bathroom for a minute to take care of the condom and wash his hands before returning to her. She lay on her stomach now but hadn’t bothered to cover up, and for a few minutes he just lay next to her, rubbing small circles on her lower back.
She turned her head on her pillow so she was facing him, trying to judge from his expression what he might be thinking. Kiki’s voice intruded then—Asa is fickle—but Lauren pushed it out of her head. He’d given no indication that this was a onetime thing for him, had he?
“You didn’t flush the condom, right?” she asked. “If anything happens to those pipes they’ll take it out of my security deposit.”
She could’ve kicked herself. They just had sex, and that was the first thing she thought to say? It was so classic Lauren that all her old insecurities and fears came rushing back.
But Asa only smiled, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.
“I threw it in the trash,” he said. “Your security deposit’s safe with me.”
She wanted her heart to be safe with him, but that felt like too much to even think about right now, much less bring up. No matter how much he said he liked her as she was, she didn’t want to scare him off.
“What’s your plan for the rest of the day?” he asked.
It was with that imperative in mind—don’t scare him off don’t scare him off—that Lauren gave a little shrug. “I need to go grocery shopping,” she said. “I have two books to read before they’re due back to the library next week. What about you?”
“My sister’s baby shower started”—he reached over her to grab her watch off the nightstand, grimacing at whatever number he saw there—“forty minutes ago.”
She shifted so she was on her side, facing him fully. His gaze flickered down to her breasts, the way this new position squeezed them together. Desire kicked in her belly just from that warm, focused attention, but she also didn’t want to risk any distraction for this conversation that seemed like it could be important. She drew the covers back over them both.
“You should’ve told me,” she said. “I wouldn’t have let you oversleep.”
“I wasn’t planning on going, anyway,” he said. “My parents will both be there, and I haven’t seen them since . . .”
He didn’t finish that sentence, but he didn’t have to. She knew the answer with heartbreaking precision because she could see the numbers tattooed on his chest. Lauren couldn’t blame him for not wanting to see them again, but she also thought it curious that he’d brought it up at all, if that were the case.
“What about your sister? When was the last time you saw her?”
He adjusted the pillow under his head, pausing as if he had to think. But something told Lauren that he knew full well what the answer was, and was delaying for another reason—because he didn’t like to think about it, maybe, or because he was worried it would reflect badly on him, this lack of contact between him and his family.
“A couple years ago,” he said finally. “We’d met up a few times, since I left home . . . the last time was at a coffee shop a few weeks before she was getting married. I thought it was only decent that I tell her in person I wasn’t going to come to the ceremony, and she . . . didn’t take it well. She said I was selfish, that I was ruining the biggest day of her life. She was probably right. I should’ve just sucked it up and gone. It would’ve been half a day of bullshit, but when it was all over I would’ve come home to my friends and my life, and at least I wouldn’t have been the piece of shit who couldn’t even muster the courage to go to his own sister’s wedding.”
His gray eyes searched her face, as if needing to see understanding reflected there. “Now, I don’t know if I avoid her because I’m still angry with her for not being there for me over the years, or because I feel guilty for not being there for her. It wasn’t fair of me to expect her to take sides, much less my side against them.”