“So turn me in.”
His jaw went slack. “What?”
“You heard me. For all I care, you can turn me in, and I’ll tell them what I knew in advance, which was nothing. And who was involved. Which was you and Charlie.”
“You’d rat on your own family?”
“Matthew is my family now. He’s an honorable man. I need to follow his example.”
“Ah, well. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this. But that’s a problem. Not for me. For you. And most of all, for Matthew.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” she said, going cold.
“You know what it means. You’re too valuable to dispose of. But him…”
She burst into tears just as Sylvia came back with the champagne in a bucket.
“Kathy, what are you doing? Your mascara’s running,” she said, rushing over with a Kleenex. She turned on Ray. “Did you make my daughter cry on her wedding day? Get out of here, you bum, before I smack you.”
Sylvia pushed him toward the door and slammed it behind him.
“He’s gone. Let me fix your mascara, hon.”
“No, get Matthew. I have to talk to him.”
“He can’t see you in your wedding dress. It’s bad luck.”
“Just do it. I have to call off the wedding.”
“You’re serious?”
“Yes.”
“Jesus, that fucking Ray. He pushes things too far.”
Sylvia left the room, muttering. A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Matthew came in and sat down on the bed across from her, looking like he’d been punched in the stomach.
“Your mother told me you’re having second thoughts. Is that true?”
She looked into his green eyes, so full of love and pain, and almost couldn’t continue. If she lost him, her life going forward would be desolate, empty, a field of ash. There was almost nothing she could think of worse than life without Matthew. Almost nothing. Except one thing. Knowing that he’d died because of her.
“I can’t marry you, Matthew. I’m very sorry.”
“Well, I don’t accept that. I love you. I know you love me, too.”
“I do. More than anyone or anything. More than life.”
“Then, what is it? I deserve an explanation.”
She took a deep breath and told him the truth. He listened intently, his face pale and serious, his eyes locked on hers, for half an hour. At the end of it, he thanked her for her honesty and told her that the circumstances didn’t make a difference to him. He would never choose to live his life without her, no matter what the risk. This was a serious problem, yes. But that’s what vows were for. Richer, poorer, sickness, health, till death do you part. They would face this together, and together they would overcome.
He was so pure, so persuasive, that she believed him. He took her hand, and they went downstairs to get married.
31
They were living in a rented house in Wellesley and going to open houses on the weekends. They loved the town, which was leafy and quaint, with cute shops and a fabulous school system, all within a reasonable commute to Boston. Between what they’d each saved over the years, and a wedding gift from Matthew’s parents, they had enough for a down payment. They were looking for three bedrooms and a real backyard, for kids. They’d started trying on their honeymoon.
You could feel fall coming on, with its sparkly days and chilly nights. The first bits of color were appearing in the trees, and it got dark earlier every night. On the way home from the courthouse, she stopped to pick up a pregnancy test. Her period was late, she had a touch of nausea and a strange fatigue that made her feel heavy and slow. When she walked in the door, the smell of chicken roasting turned her stomach. Matthew had left a note on top of the mail on the island saying he’d gone out for a run. She hurried to the bathroom to do the test before he returned. If it was negative, she wouldn’t tell him. They’d had a couple of false alarms. For days after the first one, he treated her like she was made of glass. After the second, he brought home a kitten with eyes as green as his own, who was adorable but proceeded to scratch up all the furniture. She didn’t want to find out what happened after another.
She was in the bathroom staring at the plus sign in disbelief when he came back from his run.
“Hey, babe. Come in here,” she called. “Look.”
She pointed to the wand sitting out on the vanity.
“A plus sign. Does that mean it’s—”
She nodded. “Positive.”