“Just ask me, sweetheart. I promise I’m not going anywhere.”
“It doesn’t matter. We should get back to the barbeque before someone gets the wrong idea. I don’t want to get you in trouble.”
Aurora shuffles forward until her body is flush with mine and I take a step back, a few seconds later than I should have, but I deserve credit for doing it at all. My hands link with hers as I help her hop down, but then I let her walk past toward the exit.
“Rory,” I call, turning and leaning against the counter she was just sitting on. She stops by the door, watching me with interest. “You make me feel good too.”
Chapter Fifteen
RUSS
My ringing phone interrupts my running playlist for what feels like the millionth time in the past hour and my brother has officially irritated me to the point that I’m willing to answer just to tell him to stop fucking calling me.
“What do you want, Ethan?” My loud voice is a jarring addition to the tranquil Honey Acres morning. The horses grazing in the field beside my running route look at me wild-eyed, letting out a displeased neigh before scampering away from the fence line, spooked.
The best part about this place is the terrible reception, but there are certain patches that have pockets of service just long enough for my family to invade my peace.
“You’re a piece of shit for never answering anyone’s calls.” It’s a strong start, not unexpected. “You need to fucking grow up.”
No matter where I am, no matter what I’m doing or how closely I follow the rules and pray that it’ll be enough, the universe finds a way to humble me.
“What do you want, Ethan?” I ask again, the frustration from earlier diluted by the prickle of his words.
“Dad is in the hospital. Mom’s asking for you; she wants you there. So stop burying your head in the sand and pretending you’re not part of this family, like a selfish prick, and support her.”
You’d expect my reaction to finding out my dad is in the hospital to be more emotional, but my first thought is I wonder how he landed himself in that situation. I’ve been here before so it’s not much of a surprise. When he pawned Mom’s jewelry and the guilt made him drink so much he needed to get his stomach pumped. When he was in a fight at a casino and ended up needing stitches. When he crashed his car, but swore he hadn’t be drinking.
“I can’t. I’m working.”
“Grow the fuck up,” he says harshly. “If you don’t get your ass on the highway in the next hour, I’m going to come to that camp you’re at and drag you home by your hair.”
“Which state are you going to travel from to do that? You’re going to interrupt your tour for this?” Ethan and I have never had that close brotherly connection people talk about. Our seven-year age gap was too big to overcome when coupled with never wanting to be in Dad’s verbal firing line. I’ve always been angry he left me alone, but I’m not sure I would have made a different choice if I were the older one.
“I’m in San Francisco right now. I’m not bluffing, Russ. Ignoring your phone isn’t going to work this time. Show up for your family. You don’t get to bow out because shit’s difficult sometimes.”
I don’t know whether to laugh or scream. I want to tell him that bowing out is exactly what he did to me when he moved across the country and left me to navigate everything alone. Ethan says I’m stubborn and closed minded. That I don’t truly understand what it’s like to deal with an illness so corrosive and that he understands better than I do because he’s in the music industry.
He told me once that he has more memories of when things were good and that’s why he isn’t as angry as me. It’s easy to say you understand and you’re not angry when you’re on the other side of the country most of the year.
“I don’t want to talk to him, Ethan. You don’t get it. He’s so unpredictable. He can be nice as pie or he’s awful and I hate it.”
“He’s sedated. Do it for Mom, Russ. It isn’t her fault.”
“Fine,” I snap. “I’ll see you later. You’ll be there, right?”
“You’re doing the right thing. Drive safe, little brother.”
The familiar sense of dread fuels my run back to my cabin. It’s early so there’s nobody around and the kids won’t be awake yet. Xander did the night shift, so he’s in the Brown Bears cabin with Maya and I don’t want to risk going in to explain.