The trees have created shade over me when I wake up some time later alone.
Alone.
My heart sinks, skin prickling uncomfortably as I stare at the empty spot beside me. I want to be surprised, but deep down I’ve been preparing for this moment for weeks. The moment where I go too far, share too much and it’s too much to handle. I can’t be mad at her for running, when I knew this would happen if I opened up to someone.
Pushing myself up from the blanket, the second my head rises I spot her, floating on her back in the water and my heart doesn’t know what to do. I think I’ve given it whiplash from how fucking quickly I’m flitting from despair to happiness.
I’m such a dick.
I’m six feet away when the water ripples let her know I’m there and she stops floating. “Hey, sleepy head,” she says softly. Her eyebrows pinch together as she takes me in. Gently gripping her waist, I pull her closer, feeling better when she instantly wraps her arms and legs around me the way I want her to. “You look sad. What’s wrong?”
I bury my face into her neck, letting my arms wrap around her, breathing in the smell of peach and sunblock. “I thought you’d left.”
She tightens her hold. “I’m sorry, I needed to cool down. Are you okay?”
I nod, loosening my grip on her so she can lean back to look at my face. Her hand brushes my hair from my face and my eyes flick to her lips. “You don’t need to apologize. I thought I’d finally scared you away. I overreacted; I’m fine.”
“I might not have the exact same circumstances, but I can relate to your feelings, Russ,” she says carefully, running her fingers across my temple and down to my jaw. “I know how it feels expecting more from someone who lets you down. You’re not going to scare me with your feelings or your experiences, I promise. I know it’s not going to undo the other stuff, but I’m choosing to be here and nothing you say to me is going to make me change my mind.”
I swallow as her fingers skim down my neck and along my collarbone. “Thank you.”
The moment of panic and relief has passed, but I still don’t want to let her go. We work like this, just the two of us away from everyone else. Where she wants to be wanted and I want to be put first. Where we both ignore the reality that her closeness to me is through forced proximity and under normal circumstances this wouldn’t be happening.
Her stomach brushes mine as she sighs deeply, her teeth sinking into her lip while she works out what to say. “Being vulnerable is scary. Sharing the things you think no one else will understand is scary. But if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s ignoring all the normal signals to stop talking. I can teach you, but I’ve got to be honest, it’s a lot easier drunk.”
“I don’t think us being drunk together is a good idea. I actually don’t really drink. The party was an exception. I was trying to be confident and I thought it would help.” She shivers as my finger trace her spine; her thighs squeeze around me. She pinches her lips tight and I wait for the laugh she’s fighting. “I didn’t come across as confident, did I?”
She shakes her head as she giggles. “Did you know you rub the back of your neck when you’re nervous? You do it all the time. The tips of your ears turn pink too, it’s adorable.” I try to float away as I feel the heat rush to my face, but she doesn’t let go as she laughs, pulling me closer. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”
“Adorable,” I repeat back to her, her face inches from mine. “Like a puppy.”
Her eyes flick down, then back to mine quickly. “Adorable like a guy who isn’t a total dick to get into someone pants at a party.”
My face moves closer. “Nobody has ever said those words in a sentence before now.”
“I’m happy to be the first,” she whispers. “I stand by them.”
Neither of us noticed the sky begin to darken or the clouds move to block the sun and I, once again, can’t help but feel the universe is intervening as the rain begins to hit the water around us—and somehow neither one of us closes those last few inches.
Chapter Twenty
AURORA
“What’s a girl got to do to be kissed around here?” I grumble as I help Emilia load up a serving tray with hot chocolate. The rain has been on and off since it started this afternoon, unusual for this time of year in California and wholly inconvenient for me, since it forced me and Russ to run back to camp. According to Alexander I-know-everything Smith, it’s something to do with a remanent of a tropical storm being dragged north and we’re set to have terrible weather for the next twelve hours. I hate thunder and lightning, so knowing Emilia will be watching the kids tonight and I’ll be in our cabin alone fills me with dread. Therefore, I’ve spent the past twenty minutes complaining to my entirely unbothered best friend.