I should correct him. Remind him this is casual. Easy. Detached.
But this man deserves someone to fight for and stand by him. And though long term that someone won’t be me, I let myself believe, just for tonight, that maybe I could.
He makes me want to be.
Kai slips his arm between my back and the bed, and we move together. I wrap myself around his body until we’re both coming. He’s buried into the crook of my neck as I have my third orgasm of the night and I’m kissing his chest and sweat-soaked skin as he finds his first.
My name sounds like worship as he chants it against my skin, kissing me softly as he comes. I’ve never liked the nickname Mills as much as I do when Kai says it while he’s inside of me, lacing the word with gratitude.
And watching him come? I think I might do just about anything to see it again.
We’re touching and stroking as we both ease back down, and when Kai pulls out of me, I’ve never felt so empty, losing that connection.
He plays with my hair as he lays at my side, watching me with appreciative eyes.
“Perfect,” he murmurs.
I nuzzle into his chest like a stage-five clinger who needs to be held after sex. “You weren’t so bad yourself.”
His smile is soft against my skin.
I want to stay in this bed all night. Do that again and again. Maybe wake up to him between my legs.
But then my eyes shoot open to find his chest as he holds me, stroking my back.
No offense to myself, but what the fuck am I doing?
Clearing my throat, I pull away and gesture to the condom. “Do you need the bathroom so you can take care of . . .”
“You go ahead first.”
My brow lifts, needing the humor back in the room. “Oh, so now you’re being a gentleman after defiling me so perfectly?”
“Nah. I just want to watch your ass from behind as you walk away.”
Giving him a playful swat, I lift myself, but Kai pulls me right back down, hands sinking into my hair with a kiss that feels so much more meaningful than it should after a casual hook-up.
“Thank you,” he says against my lips, soft eyes searching mine.
I’m speechless.
I’m obsessed.
I think I’m in trouble.
So, I quickly pull away and scurry off to the bathroom, needing a moment to breathe.
Don’t give him someone to miss, Miller.
And what about me? What am I doing to myself?
I stare at my naked reflection in the mirror. He’s just another guy in another city. I’ll be gone in a month, and he’ll forget all about me. I’ll forget about him.
I can’t even look myself in the eye as I lie.
I have to fix this. Put the armor back on. It’ll be better for us both in the long run.
Casual. Easy. Unattached.
Inhaling through my nose, I straighten my shoulders. I can do this.
Back in my room my bed is empty, so I slip under the covers, trying my best not to think about how amazing tonight was. How right it felt.
Kai comes back in from his room, sweatpants hanging low on his hips, headed straight for the bed. He lifts the corner of the covers to join me, but I stop him with a hand on his chest.
“What?” he asks.
“No sleepovers.”
“You’re kidding.”
I simply shake my head.
He exhales a disbelieving laugh. “But we’ve slept in the same bed together before.”
“That was different.”
He contemplates for a moment, eyes wide with disbelief.
“Fine,” he says, lifting the sheets over my naked body to tuck me in because of course he does. “I hope you’re able to get some sleep with all the cartwheels your brain is doing right now.”
Kai brushes my sweat-damp hair out of my face to place a gentle kiss on my forehead then a less gentle one on my mouth. “Goodnight, Mills.”
I swallow. “Night.”
He casts one final look at me over his shoulder before turning off my bedroom light and leaving. But he doesn’t close the door that connects his room from mine, keeping that bit of an opening between us.
Flipping onto my back, I stare at the ceiling. Why does he have to handle everything so graciously? Why couldn’t he throw a fit about not sleeping over or something else that might give me the ick? No, he just had to fully understand me once again.
How annoying.
Almost as annoying as the ache between my legs and the memories flooding my mind of him inside of me on this very bed.
There’s a knock on the wall right behind my headboard coming from Kai’s room. “Hey, Miller?”
“Yeah?”