Sarah leans back and forth on her heels, like she’s waiting for me to say something. I probably should say something, but my brain is in a state of anarchy. I don’t know how to make small talk with this woman, and I don’t want to. But I also don’t feel like I can be mean to her, because the truth is that none of this is her fault. It’s my idiot ex and her future idiot husband’s fault.
“Thanks for being so cool about us coming over,” she says. “Smith was really bummed when his sister had to leave, especially with this being the first holiday since their mom’s death. He says you guys are the next closest thing to family that he has.”
Well, that’s a stretch.
“It’s no trouble,” I force myself to say. “My parents always have a ton of food, and they enjoy entertaining.”
A warm smile spreads across her face. “If you think about it, we’re kind of like family now.”
I imagine my jaw falling to the ground like a cartoon character and me physically having to crank it back into place. Maybe I misheard her. Maybe she’s new to life and isn’t sure how families work.
“I need a drink,” I say.
“Oh, do you not like your wine?” She points to the still-full glass that I’m holding. “I love a good red.”
This woman is like a stray cat. I give her an ounce of attention and now she wants to eat my food, drink my wine, and become my sister.
“Here you go.” I hand her the glass. “I’m going to go to the kitchen and get something stronger.”
“I’ll go with you.”
“I’m going to go to the bathroom before I go to the kitchen, and that’s definitely a one-person job.”
“OK,” she says cheerfully. So fucking cheerful. “I’ll see you at the table.”
I’d honestly be happier to see the electric chair at this point.
Chapter 18
On my way to the bathroom, I slip out the back door, pull out my phone, and summon the Smut Coven.
Penny: Smith’s girlfriend is Lindsay Lohan-ing me.
Jackie: You’ll need to be more specific.
Chelsey: Lindsay is thriving now, but I don’t think that’s what you mean.
Penny: She’s in my house, wearing my clothes, and basically saying we’re sisters.
Chelsey: She’s your twin?
Jackie: I’m going to need pictures.
I pass the firepit and sneak around to the living room, where everyone is still congregating because nobody in this house is in any hurry to get this night over with other than me. Using the cover of my mother’s azalea bush, I try to snag a few pictures, but it’s hard to get anything decent without a flash.
Penny: Can’t send a picture now without blowing my cover.
I’m about to try another angle when there’s a tap on the window. I whip my head up to find Martin staring at me. He mouths What are you doing? and in return I stick my tongue out because I don’t owe Martin Butler an explanation.
He mouths for me to stay there, which I do, but not because he told me to. My cardigan is stuck in the azalea bush, which means I’m stuck in the azalea bush.
The back door opens and shuts. Martin’s footsteps are quick and heavy on the patio as he sprints over to me, which seems a little unnecessary. I’m stuck in a bush, not a well.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
“Playing hide-and-seek,” I deadpan.
“Does your family usually play hide-and-seek before dinner?” Martin holds out his hand. “Because if they do, they’re not very good at it. You’re definitely winning the game right now.”
Something in his tone is off. It doesn’t have that usual cheeky air to it when we banter. It’s oddly serious. I choose to ignore it.
“Help me. My cardigan is stuck.”
Martin turns on the flashlight on his cell phone and shines it at me, temporarily blinding me. I feel his hand on my shoulder, and a moment later, I’m free from the dumb bush.
“Can we go inside now?” Martin asks. “I’m really hungry.”
“I can’t go in there with her,” I scoff. “Did you see what she’s wearing? And her hair? She looks more like my twin than Phoebe does right now.”
“You could be triplets,” he says with the same strange tone as before. Maybe it’s nerves? “Hey, do you think we’re going to have Twinkies tonight? I could really go for a fried one. Have you ever had a fried Twinkie?”
“You’re being weird.” I smack his arm playfully. “I’m not worried about food. I’m worried about the girl who thinks we’re part of the same family now.”