“There’s no way Nori had the time to photoshop all of these,” he says.
“Why would we be engaged? Of all people? Were there really no other options?” I ask. He doesn’t respond.
I scan my recent texts. One from Pain in my ass , and others from Nori, Mom, and a bunch of random names I don’t recognize.
Renner plucks my phone and holds it out of reach. I grab for it, to no avail. I wish I could say I’m taller than my seventeen-year-old self, but apparently not.
He holds his arm out, blocking me from another attempt. “Wait!”
“What?”
“We can’t just go around telling people we’ve jumped into the future. Everyone’s gonna think we’ve lost our minds.”
I inhale a labored breath. He has a point. “You’re right. No one is ever going to believe this.”
He shifts his gaze from his feet to my face, like he’s just had a light bulb moment. “We both know someone who might.”
I nod, a little disturbed I didn’t think of it first. Of course. “Nori.”
Adult Nori is a trip. The first thing she does is grab a piece of licorice from the pantry. “Breakfast of champions,” she calls it, practically dive-bombing the armchair in the living area. She looks quite comfortable here. More so than Renner and me as we awkwardly shift on the couch.
Her previously shoulder-length unicorn hair is now streaked with blue and falls around the waistline of her skinny jeans. They remind me of the ones Mom always wears.
“Being old really is the tits,” she says, tearing off a bite of licorice. “I can’t drink sugary drinks anymore. My body can’t handle it. And I didn’t even drink nearly as much as you two. I’m shocked you’re even awake right now.”
Renner leans forward. “We drank last night?”
She juts her chin forward. “Are you kidding me? You threw up on Mitch’s lawn. It was like grad party all over again. Honestly, I thought you’d need a stomach pump—”
“Mitch? Mitch who?” I cut in.
“Mitch Wong.”
“That little freshman?” I clarify. Mitch is so tiny, he was duct-taped to the cafeteria wall for freshman initiation day.
Nori narrows her gaze, confused. “Uh, well, he’s twenty-six, but yes, I suppose he was small as a freshman.”
I shift to the edge of the couch and look her dead in the eye. “Okay, Nori, we’re about to get weird.”
She leans into the couch and gives Renner a brief glance. “What do you mean by weird? Should I be frightened? Because you’re doing that wonky eye thing.”
I hold my stare as she frantically chews the last chunk of licorice. “We’re going to tell you something. Something huge. And you need to promise you won’t tell anyone.”
Her jaw hinges open. “Oh my god. You guys are pregnant! No wonder you moved up your wedding date.”
I wretch at the thought of procreating with Renner. “God no. Eww.”
A flash of confusion falls over her face.
“This is going to sound bizarre,” Renner interrupts. “But we woke up not remembering how we got here.”
Strangely, Nori takes this in stride. “That’s because Ollie drove you guys home. He fireman carried you to your bed, J. T. He even sent me a video.”
I shake my head. “No, you don’t understand. We had an accident. In the school gym. I fell off a ladder—”
“She fell on my face,” Renner clarifies.
“We were seventeen,” I continue. “Decorating for prom. Everything went black when I fell off the ladder. And then we woke up . . . here. This morning.”
Nori closes her eyes and shakes her head like a wet dog. “Okay, wait, what?”
I lean closer. “We don’t remember anything from the past thirteen years.”
Nori searches my face, trying to gauge whether I’m screwing with her. When I don’t crack, she starts laughing nervously. “You two drank way too much. Honestly. Maybe you just need a hot shower, or a personal day. You should totally skip work.”
“Nori, I’m serious. The last thing I remember is being upset over the Under the Sea theme,” I say.
“The prom theme?” she asks, eyes widening in realization. “Oh my god. Do you remember my dress? That weird one that accentuated all my worst angles? I untagged myself in all of those photos. As if you could forget that. Oh, and that’s the night you two first hooked up. Remember?”
Renner and I simultaneously bust a gut. “Hooked up? We hooked up? As in me and Renner?” I’m not certain I want to know the answer.