Every time I’ve brought Dad up, she reacts with an idealistic sense of optimism. She’s convinced all I need to do is talk to him more. That I just need to tell him that missing my graduation hurt. She’s convinced that a dash of honesty will magically heal our relationship.
The only person who truly understood my brand of angst was Kassie. Yet another thing that’s changed.
As I watch the city skyline disappear, replaced with industrial warehouses and trees, I realize I still don’t know what actually happened between Kassie and me. Did we naturally drift apart like Nori said? Or did we have some sort of disagreement? Does it even matter at this point?
Truthfully, we’ve been at odds since we started high school. When she joined the cheer squad, I joined Model UN. Whenever I wanted to stay in with snacks and a movie, she was itching to party. I had to beg her to join student council with me freshman year. And sometimes I think she only stayed because she knew I wanted her to. Our love of scary movies was the only tangible we really had in common.
Still, I was drawn to Kassie’s energy, her light. She was vivacious, fun, spontaneous, everything I wasn’t, and still am not. I guess I’ve always wanted a piece of it, hoping her radiance would rub off on me. She also got me through some of the worst times of my life. Like my parents’ divorce. And the best. Maybe I needed Kassie. But if I’m being honest, I’m not sure I need her by the end of senior year. And maybe that’s why I didn’t notice her absence right away at Ollie’s party. Because I haven’t needed her for a long time.
I check my phone as the train nears Maplewood. Renner has texted a couple times.
Pain in my ass : Hey, you on the way back yet?
Pain in my ass : I had to leave for school without you. Let me know when you’re on your way.
Nori: Ollie is having a bonfire tonight. You and Renner should come after prom.
Biking in a dress and heels isn’t exactly ideal. I may or may not have inadvertently flashed my goods to an old man on a motorized scooter. But since Renner already left, I had little alternative.
I found an off-the-shoulder little black dress in the bowels of my closet. I texted a picture to Nori, who said I looked like a tired middle-aged woman on a once-a-month date with her husband to keep things “fresh.” Precisely the look I was going for. Very teacher appropriate. Besides, it was either this or my wedding dress—a simple, yet elegant lace A-line with a drop sleeve—still in a fancy plastic garment bag.
I contemplated ditching prom after finding out about Dad, but I couldn’t leave Renner in the lurch. And if anything can take my mind off devastating news, it’s prom.
The beat of a fast, bass-heavy song vibrates under my feet as I approach the gymnasium. A man in a navy suit is casually leaning on the doorframe, chatting up a table of formally dressed students taking tickets at the door. It stops me in my tracks. See, I have an Achilles’ heel. Guys who lean on things （preferably pensively, with muscly forearms exposed）。 I can’t exactly explain why, but there’s something about that pose that gives me the flutters.
This mystery man’s relaxed, überconfident stance reminds me of a dashingly handsome A-list celebrity on a red carpet. Who is this relaxed, confident man, and what is he doing in the likes of Maplewood? It’s only when he turns his head that I realize: it’s Renner.
He’s smiling that wide Mr. Congeniality grin that makes me want to scream into my pillow. He looks like the Bachelor in front of the mansion, eagerly awaiting a limo of women vying for his affection. This isn’t ninth grade Renner, who attempted to eat a Kinder chocolate egg whole like a pelican on a dare. Or the Renner who rode a bike off Ollie’s roof into the lake for a TikTok.
I curse the fact that Adult Renner looks this dapper in a suit. Either that, or I’ve caught some severe virus on the train and am venturing into delusion.
“Hey, beautiful,” he says smoothly, eyes literally sparkling. I’m waiting for him to laugh and yell, Just kidding! But he doesn’t.
The students next to him aww in unison, staring up at us with wistful doe eyes. “You guys are so perfect,” says a girl in tortoiseshell glasses.
“I want a marriage like that one day,” the other girl says to her friend.
Renner’s ears turn pink. He’s watching me, silently encouraging me to play along. We are supposed to be getting married, after all.
I force a smile and pull him in for a brief hug. All for show, of course.
“I was beginning to think you were leaving me to the wolves tonight,” he whispers in my ear as we head into the nearly empty gym. Prom only officially started five minutes ago.