“Is that all you’d have wanted?” he whispers, resting his forehead against mine. “To just be friends?”
I contemplate as the blood rushes to my ears, pulsing everywhere, thrumming just beneath the surface of my skin. No. That statement doesn’t capture what I really want right now. Not in the slightest. Because, beyond all logic, I think I like Renner. A lot. And I hate it. “No. That’s not all. This wasn’t the plan,” I murmur.
“What? Falling in love with me?” he asks, unable to hold back that Renner smile.
I playfully punch him in the chest. “Shut up. I am not in love with you.”
“Yet,” he adds with no shortage of confidence. “And to be fair, catapulting into the future wasn’t really in my plan either, so we’re even.”
I laugh into his chest. “Seriously, though. It’s weird.”
“Things don’t always have to happen exactly as you plan them,” he points out.
“They do,” I counter.
“Why?”
I lift my shoulders. “I guess the unknown scares me. I mean . . . I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my mom is a mess. She’s a hoot, don’t get me wrong. But after my dad left, if I wasn’t on top of my own schedule, things just weren’t done. I guess it got me in the habit of compulsively planning things.”
“I get that. But I also think . . . if you’re compulsively planning for everything, what are you missing out on?” he asks, running the pads of his fingers down my spine, sending a rush of heat to every limb.
“Easier said than done. If I could relax and find peace every time someone told me to, I’d be the Dalai Lama.”
He gestures around. Though it’s hard to see anything through the silver sheets of rain. “Okay. But look where we are. We’re stuck in this strange . . . strange world. We don’t know if it’s real, or if it’s a dream, or some weird alternate universe. But we’re here. And we’re never going to get this moment again, are we?”
“No. We’re not.”
My brain feels fuzzy, like there’s static electricity when he pulls back to look at me. It’s not a normal moment of prolonged eye contact. He’s really looking at me. Like he’s found my soul.
If this is a dream, it sure as hell feels more real than any other moment of my life. Every brush of his thumb against my skin. His soft, searching gaze, catching in the moonlight. The way he slides his warm hand into my hair, massaging the nape of my neck, lighting a spark inside that’s been dormant, shoved down by the order of my mind.
My entire world is off kilter. It feels like I have no control over anything. Usually, just the thought of losing control is enough to send me into a spiral. Yet, in this moment, I feel a strange, weightless peace. It’s as though all my stress washed away with the rain. And Renner’s embrace.
Now that the spark is lit, I’m not sure even dousing it in this downpour would put it out. So I lean in and catch his lips with mine, finishing that kiss.
How did I waste the last four years not kissing Renner?
Hindsight is a serious bitch, because he kisses with his entire damn body. Kassie always told me he was a good kisser, but she vastly undersold his skill. Our kiss at the engagement party has nothing on this one. This is a mind-altering, time-bending, unicorn-glitter-magic-level kiss that threatens to change my entire worldview from here on out.
Despite being drenched in cold rain, our bodies are scorching, pressed tight. In this moment, there’s nothing that could pull us apart. Our rain-soaked lips slide against each other in short bursts, breath colliding. As his tongue slides a little deeper against mine, my hands skim up and down the plane of his back and over his shoulders, grasping at the wet fabric of his shirt.
His lips are so soft, coaxing my mouth open with hungry intensity. We fall into a rhythm, tilting, sighing into each other until I’m gasping for breath. One of his hands is tangled in my hair while the other fans across my waist, pulling me closer.
“Char,” he mumbles in between kisses.
“Mm-hmm?” I study his face for what feels like the first time.
“This is the best day of my life.” He says it with such conviction, I nearly melt into him. “I know that sounds weird because I don’t know if any of this is even real, but I—”
“It’s the best day of my life too,” I cut in. And I mean it. For the first time, I don’t know that I’d choose to go back to seventeen if given the chance. I want to hold on to this moment for a little while longer, if I can.