“Or how about I don’t?” he said, and I turned around so slowly it was as if it was in slow motion. “If you leave, it’s over.” He’s drunk my head screamed at me. It was no use talking to him, so instead I just shook my head and walked to my car, leaving.
I expected him to call me the next day, but instead I opened my door and there were my things in a box on my doorstep. That was the last time I spoke to Matthew.
The buzz for the oven makes me snap out of it. The feelings just as if it was back then, like a fresh wound being cut open again. I shake my head. “Fuck you, Matthew, and good riddance.”
matthew
“Push, push, push!” the coach yells as I’m skating down the ice with someone on my back. We’ve been on the ice for the last three hours. My legs burn from how much I’ve pushed them today. I hear the whistle blow and stop pushing my speed, skating the rest of the way down the ice.
My chest is heaving as I make my way slowly to move off the ice. I skate around a bit, getting my heartbeat back to normal. Getting off the ice, I walk down the corridor hearing the guys hooting and hollering. I don’t talk to anyone as I make my way to my spot on the bench. I put my gloves up on the shelf, grabbing my phone and see I have a text from Helena.
Don’t forget we are meeting at three.
I groan and put the phone down harder than I should and a couple of the guys glance over at me. Looking over at them as they question me with their look, I just shake my head as I undress and head to the shower. It’s been ten days since the email from Sofia came through with the plan for this wedding.
To be honest, I didn’t even pay attention to the plan. Never clicked the attachment, the only thing I focused on was her name and her phone number at the end of the email. A phone number I wasn’t privy to. A phone number that was put in place after that fateful night. The night I fucked up so bad I’ve never talked about it.
I put my head under the hot showerhead and close my eyes. It’s been ten days since the official wedding details came in. For the past ten days, I’ve been burying my head in the gym, in the game. Anywhere but what I am supposed to be focusing on and that is my wedding. Isn’t it supposed to be a happy time? I thought it was, but it is turning out to be the worst time of my life.
Well, not the worst time of my life, that was two years ago when I was a fucking idiot. I turn off the water, grabbing my towel, and walk back into the locker room. It’s pretty much cleared out, lots of the guys head over to the weight room after the ice training or to go eat.
I slip on my boxers and then my jeans when my phone rings. I pick it up and see it’s Helena. “Hello,” I answer as I put on my T-shirt.
“Hey, darling,” she says, and I close my eyes. Since when did her voice make the sound of nails on a chalkboard? “I’m just reminding you about the appointment.”
“Yup,” I say to her. “I know, am I picking you up?”
“No,” she huffs. “Do you not remember that I told you I had an appointment with the dressmaker?” Her voice is filled with annoyance.
“Must have slipped my mind,” I tell her. “So I’ll meet you there?”
“Yes,” she hisses, “now I have to go.” She disconnects the phone as I grab the baseball hat and put it on my head before slipping on my jacket.
Grabbing my keys, wallet, and phone, I head out. Unlocking my door and getting in my car, the phone rings again and I put my head back when I see it’s my father. Usually, I’m more than happy to speak to him, but I know he’s going to learn something is up. It’s like he has Spidey senses.
“Hello,” I greet, trying to sound as chipper as I can.
“Hey,” he replies. “What are you up to?”
“Not much,” I say, pulling out of the parking garage. “On my way to the wedding planner.” I don’t mention Sofia’s name.
“Is that so?” I can tell his tone has changed. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” I try to fake it. I’m waiting for him to say something, but he doesn’t, so I know he’s waiting for me to say something.
“Cut the shit,” he finally snaps, “you’ve been not yourself for the past, I don’t know, two weeks—maybe even three.”
I stop at a red light and close my eyes, even though he hasn’t seen me in person, he has noticed the change in me. Now I question why hasn’t Helena? “It’s just.” I inhale deeply before letting it out. “I don’t know—all this wedding stuff.”