Helena hems and haws through the flower centerpieces. I’m very hands-on, so I’m right there creating the perfect piece for her. “That’s it,” she finally declares after what seems like twenty-five different changes she had me make.
“It’s going to look stunning.” I smile at her and take out my phone to take a picture of it, and it beeps in my hand.
Can’t wait to see you.
Charles and I have exchanged a couple of messages over the last three or four days. I finally caved and agreed to go out for dinner tonight. I don’t know what I was thinking.
“So what’s next?” Helena asks as we turn to walk back to the front door.
“I will send you over some sample menus, and we can set up some taste testing for next week.”
The phone buzzes in my hand, but I ignore it. “If there is anything that you want to try that is not on the menu, all you have to do is tell me. Our in-house chef is very good at finding what we need.” I’m about to say something else when the front door opens, and Charles comes in with a bouquet in his hand. “Oh, I’m so sorry, I’m early,” Charles apologizes and all I can do is smile at him, while I secretly scream internally. This is not happening, I tell myself, this can’t be happening. Not here, not now, and of all people not with Matthew here. My heart speeds up as I take a step to him. I can see Matthew look at him and then back at me.
“It’s fine,” I say, walking to him. “We were just finishing up.” I stand in front of him and look into his brown eyes. “Do you want to wait in my office?” Please, God, don’t make him say he doesn’t know which one it is. I ask the universe to be kind to me.
“Oh, don’t even worry about it,” Helena says. “We took up too much of your time.” She smiles at me and then looks at Matthew, who just sizes him up. “Have a great night.”
“Thank you,” I say to them as they walk out, and I swear I feel like I let out the biggest sigh of relief.
“I’m really sorry. I thought you said you were done,” Charles says.
“No, no, it’s fine.” I try to play it off, laughing nervously. “It went longer than I thought it would be.”
“These are for you,” he announces, handing me the bouquet of carnations. Don’t judge him, the left side of my brain says, while the right side says, that flower is for funerals.
“Thank you, I’m going to put these in water and then we can get going,” I tell him, and he just nods at me. I walk over to the kitchen, taking a couple of glances at him while he takes a look at the pictures on the wall. He stands there in chinos and a sweater. He’s about six foot three, and his black hair is curly. He pushes his glasses up from the middle of his nose.
Why are you doing this? I ask myself right before the other side of my head says, she’s trying not to think about the guy who just left.
matthew
I walk into the house and toss my keys on the island in the kitchen. My head feels like it’s going to explode. Sliding my jacket off and putting it on the stool, I walk over to the bathroom on the main floor and open the first drawer, grabbing the bottle of ibuprofen. I open the top and shake two out in my hand before popping them in my mouth. I turn the water on, bending to take some in my mouth to swallow the pills. I put the bottle back in the drawer, slamming it shut at the same time I hear the door close. What a fucking day this has been.
Getting to the venue ahead of Helena wasn’t something I planned, but I also wasn’t mad about it. The last time we were together, I tried to get her to talk to me about things, but she ignored me at every single turn. How the hell am I supposed to apologize to her if she won’t give me the time of day? I just wanted to tell her I was sorry. To explain what happened was me being young and dumb, but she wouldn’t hear me out. I mean, it could have been worse, she could have told me to go and fuck myself, which is something I think I would have done to myself. Or she could have easily kicked me in the balls, which is also what I deserved. But instead, we pretended we didn’t love each other for two years. We pretended we barely knew each other when, in fact, I knew every single fucking inch of her with my eyes closed. She was my first love and I know they say you never forget your first love. I was just hoping I would be able to survive my first love.
“I’m here,” Helena announces from the door, “and I got food.” I close my eyes as my head falls forward. I put my hands on the white marble counter as I take a deep inhale and then exhale. The headache is now pounding even more. “Matty,” she calls for me.