“I figured if I did.” I look around, not ready to admit the next part. “She would want to know why.”
Sofia’s eyes almost bulge out of their sockets. “So she didn’t know about me?”
“No.” I say the word and see the hurt in her eyes, right before she builds the wall back up, making my heart hurt. I want her to ask me why. I’m ready for her to ask me why. She might not be ready for it, but I am. Except she doesn’t ask me another question. Instead, she picks up her glass of wine and looks away from me as she takes two gulps.
I’m about to tell her why I never told Helena about her when Suzanna comes over with three plates. She places my plate in front of me, then the plate in front of Sofia, placing the plate of fries in the middle of the table. “Enjoy,” she says to us before walking away.
Sofia’s eyes stay glued to her plate of salad, grabbing the fork next to her as she tosses it around on the plate. I grab my own fork, flaking a piece of salmon away. We eat in silence as I ponder the questions I want to ask. I look up at her a couple of times and notice she isn’t even eating the salad. She’s just playing with it on her plate. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing.” She doesn’t look up at me, and although we haven’t been together in two years, I know that tone doesn’t mean nothing. It means she’s pissed. I used to always love it when she gave me this tone. I knew the fight would be worth it, because when we made up, it was electric.
“You sure aren’t acting like nothing is wrong,” I say, not sure if I should.
“I’m just a little bit annoyed and confused is all,” she finally declares. “You come to meet me, don’t want to use me, use me anyway, and never even mention to your fiancée that we knew each other.” She shakes her head. “Actually, forget it. I don’t even care, to be honest. It’s none of my business.” She takes a bite of her salad.
“Is that you asking me why I didn’t tell her about you?” I take a bite of my salmon, waiting for her to answer me.
“Not in the least. I don’t really care.” I know it’s a lie. She knows it’s a lie.
“Well, considering we didn’t just know each other…” I make sure she knows I hate the way that came out of her mouth. Her eyes now fly up to me. “I didn’t tell her about you because I wasn’t sure what to say.”
“I don’t know how your relationship worked.” She takes a sip of her wine. “Nor do I care, but you should always go with the truth.”
“I would never lie,” I tell her, grabbing a piece of carrot, “which is why I didn’t tell her about you.”
“That makes no sense.” She puts her glass down.
“Doesn’t it?” I take another bite of the salmon, just so my hands are busy doing something instead of being on the table tapping it. “If I told her about you, she would have had questions.” I look at Sofia. “Questions I would have had to answer.” I raise my eyebrows, wondering if she gets what I’m saying.
“How was I supposed to tell my fiancée that my wedding planner was the only woman I’ve ever loved?” She doesn’t say anything. “How do you think that conversation would have gone? Because she would have asked me if I still had feelings for you and the answer would have been yes.” She opens her mouth and closes it again, no words coming out. “How do you think that would have gone? ‘Helena, I think we should not go with white-and-black flowers because they look horrible.’” I grab another piece of salmon. “‘Oh, and by the way, did you know Sofia and I dated and lived together for two years?’” I shake my head, angry because maybe I should have said those words. “Are you dating anyone?” I say right before I pop the piece of salmon in my mouth, wanting to kick myself. Did I actually say those words out loud? Do I want to know the answer to this? One thousand percent. Am I ready for the answer? Absolutely not.
I avoid looking up at her, not sure I can handle it. “Yes,” she replies, her voice high and tight. I close my eyes as the answer sinks into my brain. The minute it does, a rage washes over me.
Suzanna comes over. “Are you finished?” she asks of my almost empty plate, and I nod my head.
“I’m done also,” Sofia says, pushing her plate to her, “and can we have the bill, please?”
“It’s all taken care of,” Suzanna relays. “Have a great night.”