“I’d prefer the window,” he said behind me.
I glanced down as I passed his desk and spotted something familiar in the still open top drawer. “Oh my God,” I said, snatching up a pair of broken glasses. My broken glasses. They’d fallen off during a Halloween skirmish in Knockemout, and I hadn’t been able to find them.
“Stay out of my things,” Lucian said, starting for me.
I held up the glasses. “If I mean nothing to you, why did you give me more time with my dad? Why did you donate so much money to my causes? And why the hell are you keeping my glasses that I lost at Book or Treat last fall in your top desk drawer?”
“Lower your voice, or security is going to carry you out of here,” he growled.
“Say the words, Lucian.”
“If you’re going to waste my time speaking in riddles, you might as well sit down and drink some damn water,” he said gruffly, heading for the crystal decanter on the conference table.
“You love me, you idiot. You’ve loved me since we were kids. You loved me even when I broke your trust. You loved me after I fixed it. You still love me.”
He stopped midstride and turned to glower at me. “You didn’t fix anything. You nearly got yourself killed. And if he had gotten out for even an hour, he would have made sure to end you. That’s what he did to things I cared about. There is no court order that would have protected you from him.”
“So you protected me by keeping our friendship a secret. And you continued to protect me by pushing me away. I was just some crazy, nosy neighbor girl.”
“He would have found a way to hurt you. He did find a way to hurt you.”
“He’s gone now, Lucian. He’s dead. What’s your excuse now?”
“I don’t know where this narrative is coming from, but you’re embarrassing yourself. I don’t love you,” he insisted.
His tone was even and chilly, his face stony. But I could see the truth, the yearning in his eyes.
“Are you sure that’s the answer you want to stick with?” I whispered.
“I don’t love you,” he insisted stubbornly.
I let out a shaky breath. “After all those years, all the things we’ve been through together, you still can’t even be honest with me.”
“I’m being honest,” he said, not quite meeting my eyes.
“You love me,” I repeated. Twin tears escaped, sliding hotly down my cheeks. “You love me, and yet you’re content to never try. That’s not sad. That’s pathetic.”
“You need to leave, Sloane,” he said sharply.
My heart felt like it had been tossed into a wood chipper. Everything hurt.
“I will.” I headed for the door and then stopped. “I’ll never be able to repay you for those last months with my father.”
“I don’t want you to repay me,” he muttered, shoving a hand through his hair. “You can’t come here again. It’s not safe.”
“Fine. But you can’t give me anything again. No more secret donations. No more keeping an eye on me. Thank you for your baffling generosity, but understand this. I can’t accept anything else from you. Ever.”
“Why?”
“Because, after all this, I think we both deserve a clean break.”
He was still a long moment as his eyes roamed my face, looking for something that he wasn’t going to find. “There was never going to be an us, Sloane. He made sure of that.”
I shook my head. “Your father is dead, Lucian. You’re the one who made sure there would never be an us.”
I headed for the door again, hoping to hold it together long enough to get out of the office. Two burly security guys were waiting for me in the hall. I paused in the doorway and turned around one last time. “I loved you. You know? When we were kids, I loved you. And I think I could have again.”
His eyes went stormy, but he stayed where he was and said absolutely nothing.
“By the way,” I continued. “Just because you’re done with me doesn’t mean you get to dump my mother too. She misses you, so pick up your goddamn phone and call her.”
“That’s not a good idea right now,” he hedged.
“Take her to lunch or dinner or whatever the hell you two do, and do it now or I will find new and creative ways to torture you for hurting her when she’s already grieving. Do not abandon my mother.”
“This a good time, boss?” Nolan said, strolling between the two guards. He looked up from the fat file in his hands. “Nope. Never mind. Very not good time. Good to see you, Blondie.”