“All I ever wanted was for you to be proud of being a Revelare,” she said. “I never understood why you tried to run away from it. I’ve never known myself apart from you. And I didn’t—I don’t like it. I missed you,” she confessed. “I blamed myself for your leaving. I thought if I’d tried to help you with your magic more, or if I’d tried to be more normal, maybe you’d have stayed.”
“Sadie.” He was shaking his head. “Listen, I was a selfish dick. I can’t take it back. You’ve always known who you were, and even while I was gone, you found more of yourself apart from me. I was just trying to live up to that in some small way.”
“But you were trying to do it on your own. And that’s what family is for. You’d just never let us help you. You’ve always wanted to blame the magic, the family name, instead of just accepting that it’s what makes us different. Instead of understanding that that’s why it’s so important for us to stay together.”
“Maybe I wanted to see who I could be apart from all that.” He shrugged coldly.
“As always, you’re missing the point,” she said, frustration making her hair curl. “You never told me about your magic or your curse. But I’m incapable of keeping anything from you, so I told you the minute after the ceremony was over. Remember? A curse of four heartbreaks? Jake was the first. You were the second.”
Sadie couldn’t tell if that was a revelation to him. They were both so good at the game of keeping emotion from their face that sometimes it was hard to remember it was just a defense mechanism. She knew how easy it was to shut out the people you loved the most, needed the most. Because maybe, if you didn’t need them so much, it wouldn’t hurt as much when they weren’t there for you. She loved him the most, and so he had the most power over her.
“I needed to leave. Don’t you get it? I was drowning here. You think it’s healthy that I’m the only one you had?”
“No, I think that’s the way family is supposed to work, you idiot. Now I’m two heartbreaks away from completely losing my magic altogether. And I need it now more than ever.”
“God forbid you lose the thing that’s actually the most important to you.” He laughed derisively. “That’s what this is really all about, isn’t it? You’re pissed I left, but you’re even more pissed that you’re one step closer to losing the most precious thing you have because you’re so afraid of your goddamn curse coming true, and you love your magic more than you let yourself love people.”
“Fuck you,” Sadie spat, her fingertips growing warm, itching to release some of the anger flooding through her. The dishes rattled in the cupboard and the teakettle on the stove blew a jet of steam.
“There it is.” He folded his arms and leaned back in his chair. Like he’d just been waiting for her to snap. A small smile played around his mouth, tugging at the corners. “Say whatever you want to me now. Get it all out. Feel however you want. But Gigi doesn’t want us arguing. So I’ll be as civil as possible until this is all over. And you will be too.”
“Did you happen to forget about our new little family secret we just learned? One of our lives is in the free and clear, and the other is doomed to God knows what. And how are we supposed to fix that? Huh? If we can’t even have a civil dinner together when Gigi is dying.”
“We’ll—” he started, but Sadie cut him off.
“I swear on all that’s holy, if you say, ‘cross that bridge when we come to it,’ I will lose my ever-loving mind.”
Seth actually laughed, and it stopped Sadie in her tracks.
“What,” she demanded.
“I almost forgot how annoying it was to have a twin.”
“Lucky you,” she said.
“Are you done yelling at me? Can we eat now?” he asked, not waiting for an answer, but pulling his plate toward him.
Something happened in those few moments of silence that followed. A sliver of peace returned to Sadie. Maybe it was finally telling him how she felt. Maybe it was Gigi’s biscuits at work. Either way, she hated the push and pull of the emotions eating at her. Each moment was different from the next. One second, she was calm and in control, and the next she wanted to scream.
“Nothing can ever go back the way it was,” she said.
“Would you honestly want it to?”
And she didn’t have an answer. So instead she asked, “Did you at least find what you were looking for? When you left?”