“I don’t want to draw attention.” My current circumstances felt as fragile as fine crystal. All it would take was the wrong kind of attention from the wrong person, and that crystal would shatter.
“The good kind of attention,” she said hurriedly.
I felt like I’d kicked a kitten. “Thank you.”
“Bath,” Daselis said. “Do you need help washing your hair?”
“No. I can do it.”
I got in and began washing. Daselis stuck her head in and glowered at me when I didn’t move fast enough for her liking.
As soon as I’d washed my hair, I got out of the tub and dried off, squeezing my hair with the bath sheet. Erea handed me a robe and gestured for me to sit at the vanity. If she noticed the tiny line of light hair at my scalp, she didn’t comment.
She chattered about the ball while I nodded occasionally, my mind on Thol. I’d been careful to stay away from him, as the color had been slowly fading from my hair. In his mind, I was one of the corrupt. And no matter how much he’d liked the village girl he’d known, I was his enemy now.
If we had married one day, and my corrupt status had become known, would Thol have turned on me?
My stomach churned. I knew that answer. More importantly, if we’d had children who were hybrids, would he have allowed them to be taken to the city? Or would he have fought for them?
Lorian’s dark scowl drifted into my mind. The mercenary didn’t get involved unnecessarily. But now, I suspected it wasn’t because he was cold and unfeeling like I’d once assumed. Now, I wondered if it was because he felt too much. If it was because he knew that once someone was under his protection, he would die for them.
I knew Lorian well enough to know that if such a thing ever happened to his family, he would slaughter every guard who attempted to take his wife from him. And he would never allow anyone to harm his children.
The idea of him with children should be almost amusing—but instead, it made me…sad. Because it was unlikely Lorian would ever accept the weakness that children would represent. The hole in his defenses. It was possible to keep a spouse at arm’s length, but children had a way of burrowing into your heart.
“You’re quiet,” Erea said cheerfully.
“Sorry. Just thinking.” I glanced up to find my hair almost finished. She’d used one of the many magical tools the courtiers had access to, drying my curls while ensuring they kept their shape. She’d left some of them free to tumble over my shoulders, braiding the rest back from my face.
Daselis nodded at Erea. “Nice work. I’ll finish here.”
Erea smiled at the compliment and stepped aside, moving toward the dress lying on the bed.
“Close your eyes,” Daselis ordered.
I complied, keeping them closed as she swept brushes over my face. By the time she was finished, I’d almost been lulled into a doze.
“There,” she said, and I heard satisfaction in her voice.
I opened my eyes. Wow.
With the curls falling over my shoulders, I could have looked almost innocent. But Daselis had darkened and lengthened my lashes, adding something shadowy and purple to my eyes so they looked bigger. She’d also applied some color to my cheeks, and my lips were poutier, shimmering in the light.
I was losing track of the different versions of myself I’d discovered so far. But I was no longer that girl stuck in her village, desperate for an answer to her problems.
Now, I found those answers myself.
“Thank you,” I said. She merely nodded, gesturing for Erea to bring the dress to me.
They held it for me while I stepped into it, and Daselis handled the row of lavender buttons at the back.
“You look beautiful,” Erea sighed.
“Would you…would you like this dress?”
She gaped at me. Even Daselis went still.
“I’m not— What—”
“You said the queen’s ladies weren’t supposed to wear the same dress to more than one formal occasion.” A stupid rule. “That means it’s unlikely I’ll wear it again.”
“It was a gift from the queen.”
“And now it’s a gift from me. Please. It would make me happy for you to take it.”
Erea’s eyes met mine. That crooked tooth glinted as she smiled. “Thank you, Setella.”
I just gazed at myself in the mirror, at the armor these women had helped me don. Armor that would ensure I could pass unnoticed as I listened to drunken conversations and plotted just how I would make these people pay.