“How can you tell the hour?” I winced as he pulled me to my feet, everything hurting.
“Instinct.”
He rubbed at his eyes, and I noticed the shadows beneath them. “Didn’t you sleep?”
“My axe disappears if I fall asleep,” he said, “and you were cold.”
I should’ve felt guilty, but instead a rush of warmth filled my core at the kindness. “Thank you.”
Bjorn shrugged. “Be glad you weren’t born in Nordeland. You wouldn’t survive your first winter with how you deal with the cold.”
I couldn’t really argue with that, choosing instead to sling my pack over my shoulders. “Let’s climb.”
Neither of us spoke as we continued our way up the mountain, which unfortunately gave me time to dwell on the conversation we’d had before I’d fallen asleep. On the tension between us.
I knew I wasn’t imagining it. Knew that there was an attraction between us that wasn’t one-sided. What I didn’t know was what I should do about it. Satisfying the lust was a stupid risk. Not only because of the consequences of being caught, but because I didn’t think it was an itch that would disappear upon scratching, rather one that would intensify with each pass of my nails over my skin. Or his skin, to be more precise. Having him would only make me want him more, and adulterers always got caught.
Adulterer.
The word made me cringe but at the same time made me want to spit in anger, because it wasn’t accurate. Snorri and I weren’t truly wed, so how I felt for Bjorn wasn’t a betrayal of a marital commitment. But it was most definitely in violation of the blood oath I’d sworn.
I frowned, for though I’d not forgotten the oath I’d made the night of my wedding, I’d been more concerned with the consequences that would be visited upon my family if I violated it than the implications of the magic. Would the spell Ylva had cast keep me from violating my word like some sort of magical chains? Or would I somehow be harmed if I broke my oath? I didn’t know, and asking such a question of Ylva would only draw her attention to the very thing I was desperate to hide.
It doesn’t matter, I reminded myself. You’re not going to do it.
Bjorn chose that moment to look back at me. “You’re quiet.”
“Nothing to say.” I winced at the lost opportunity as he shrugged and faced forward again.
It will be easier once we are out of these tunnels, because we won’t be alone together, so there will be no temptation. Even as the thought passed through my head, I knew I was only lying to myself. It would be there, and with Snorri insisting that Bjorn had been divinely mandated to guard my every step, we’d constantly be together, which meant we’d be constantly tempted.
Deal with it, I told myself sternly. You’re not an animal to be ruled by lust. Quit thinking these thoughts and they’ll go away.
Only a fool would be thinking about sex anyway. There were far, far more pressing concerns, such as what would happen when I reached the summit for this ritual. Far more pressing questions, such as why I, of all of the gods’ children, was to play such an important role and how I’d accomplish all that had been foreseen of me. That was what I should be thinking about.
Yet my mind shied away from those questions because all of it felt out of my control. What good was dwelling on something I didn’t understand and couldn’t influence? It would only drive me to madness, especially in this moment when there was no way to discover the answers to any of those questions.
Hiding from it won’t make it go away.
I ignored the thought and glanced up at Bjorn, who led the way. My chest tightened as I drank in his broad shoulders and tapered waist, his sleeves pushed up to just beneath the sleeves of his mail shirt to bare the thick muscles of his forearms. He held his axe slightly away from him to keep from igniting his trousers, and I admired the focus it must take to keep his magic constantly burning. The effort it took must be exhausting.
It was this admiration that concerned me, because the things I was feeling…they weren’t just physical. I liked him. Liked how he was both terrifyingly ruthless and heartbreakingly kind. Liked how he made me laugh and how his wit kept me on my toes. Liked the way I felt not just safe in his presence, but strong. I wanted to be close to him, and I was terrified of how my feelings might grow if I kept feeding that want.
Talk to him.
Gods help me, but that was the logical thing to do. Bjorn stood to lose as much as I did in betraying his father if we succumbed to the tension between us. Perhaps if we discussed the issue and came to a unified stance that we’d not pursue any of this, we’d save ourselves a great deal of heartache.