I think back to my bedroom—not to when we were drunk—but to when he was pinning me against the window because we were both very much aware of what was happening.
“It felt . . . it felt like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It was as if I was just a mere instrument to him, and he knew exactly how to play me. I mean, I let him hold me by the throat. I let him put me into positions I never would have in the past, and I was convinced only by his touch, by his voice.”
Kelsey and Lottie nod. “Yup, he’s playing his cards with you,” Lottie says.
“So what do I do?” I ask.
“Nothing,” Kelsey answers. “There’s absolutely nothing you can do. You can try to fight it, but I don’t think it’ll do much.”
“I might be overstepping a bit,” Myla says, “but it almost seems like you might have the same feelings about him. Am I right?”
“I’ve never truly thought about it,” I say. “I always just considered him my friend. But this past week or so, it’s been different. He’s looked at me differently. He’s told me how beautiful I am. He’s said it before, but this was . . . it was as if he meant it from a different place. And then he started touching me lightly, here and there. Like this night when I felt really sad about losing my parents and asked him to hold me. We were in his bed, and nothing happened, but his hand did wander along my hip. I didn’t think much of it then, but after the night we got drunk—”
“Whoa.” Lottie holds up her hand. “What happened the night you got drunk?”
“I’m surprised your husbands didn’t tell you.” I set my yarn down, completely neglecting the knitting premise now. “It was the day I broke things off with Brian. Breaker and I went to celebrate, and we both got drunk and went to bed. We were playfully fighting over his pillow, and then he cuddled into me. I asked him if that was how he would hold his girlfriend, and he said no and then proceeded to show me exactly how he would touch his girlfriend.”
“And how did he show you?” Myla asks, sitting on the edge of her seat.
My cheeks heat just thinking about that night. “With teasing touches. He’d slowly move his hand to just below my breasts and then slip his hand past the waistband of my shorts.”
“Oh dear God.” Kelsey fans herself. “Did the teasing lead to anything?”
I bite my bottom lip. “I, uh, I ended up dry-humping him to completion.”
“Both of you?” Lottie asks, and I nod. “Well . . . that’s it then, you just opened it all up for him to take control.”
“Yup,” Kelsey says. “And then with the towel thing. He has his mind set, and you need to decide if you’re going to let it happen or not.”
“I . . . I really don’t know. I don’t want to lose him.” He’s told me he’s loved me for years, and it’s always been in friendship, but lately . . . lately it’s felt like more. But how can I know the difference? And what if I’m not enough for him sexually and his interest in me dwindles like Brian’s did? What if I lose him too? “If what you say is true, and he’s trying to coax me into a relationship, what happens if he doesn’t believe we work? As a couple? I don’t think I could manage him not being in my life.”
“Sometimes the best relationship comes from a strong friendship as the foundation,” Kelsey says. “That’s how it was with me and JP. We got really close, and I thought he was a great friend. Crossing that line felt natural to me.”
“It doesn’t feel natural to me,” I answer.
Lottie taps her chin. “I think Breaker is going to help you see just how natural it can be.”
Breaker: Just got off work. Headed to your place.
Lia: Are you really just going to invite yourself over?
Breaker: As if I needed an invite to begin with.
Lia: Maybe you need one now.
Breaker: Fine . . . Lia, can I come over and play?
Lia: What does “play” entail?
Breaker: Games. eye roll
Lia: Okay, as long as we’re playing games. I can cook up some tortellini if you want. I got the fresh kind.
Breaker: Serve me a bowl. I’m making a quick stop.
Lia: What are you getting?
Breaker: Dessert.
Lia: Okay, see you soon.
“Hey,” Breaker says, walking into my apartment. I glance over my shoulder just in time to see him remove his suit jacket, revealing his tight-fitting button-up shirt where the top few buttons are undone, hinting at his firm chest. “Smells good.”