“Wow, okay,” I say, unsure of how to respond to that. “I don’t know if we would have the same relationship that we do now. I probably wouldn’t have been as open with you about certain things if I was looking for something romantic. When you’re just friends, it’s as if you can drop all the walls and be yourself, but when you’re trying to be romantic with someone, you almost put on this fa?ade to show that you’re good enough to be with that person. I’ve sort of felt that way recently with you.”
“Why?” he asks, turning toward me and abandoning his meal.
“It’s nothing huge, just subtle things, but I’ve had some self-conscious moments, and I just think it comes with the territory when someone is more sexually experienced. I mean, this past week, Breaker.” My cheeks redden. “I have never done half the things we’ve done. I didn’t even know that kind of sexuality was in me.”
“Do you still feel that way?” he asks.
“Sometimes. You’re just . . . I don’t know, it’s stupid.” I adjust my glasses on my head and turn back to my meal.
“I’m just what?” he asks, tugging on my hand.
Knowing he’s not going to let this go, I say, “You’re not the same nerdy guy from college. Sure, if I was able to look past the mustache back then and the floppy hair, I probably would have been intimidated, but I wasn’t because you were goofy, and I loved that about you. Now that you’re all grown up and . . . you know . . . muscular, there’s an intimidating factor to your transformation. I don’t feel like I’m in your league.”
“Jesus, you can’t be serious, Lia.”
“I know, I said it was stupid, but it’s hard not to feel that way when the guy who is . . . well, whatever this is between us, when he’s gorgeous, rich, and extremely well endowed with the kind of experience that would make any woman blush. I don’t feel worthy.”
He forces me to look at him by looping his finger under my chin. “I can’t tell you how to feel, and those feelings are something I will help you work through, but I want you to know this right here and now. I’m the one who feels lucky, okay? I’m the one who feels like they’re trying to dig their claws into you so you don’t run away. That insecurity lives heavily in my heart as well. I fear you’ll wake up one day and realize that you made a mistake, that you miss Brian, that you should never have called off the wedding. Or that maybe I’m the rebound guy, that I shouldn’t have made a move on you so soon.”
“Breaker, you know that’s not the case.”
“I want to believe that, but in my head, I know I didn’t go about this the right way. I didn’t pursue you appropriately, normally. I should have eased more into the sexual aspect.”
“Why did you jump in headfirst?” I ask.
“Because I wanted to show you that there was chemistry between us. I didn’t want to give you an inkling that there wasn’t. And frankly, I wanted you. I want you. Badly, Lia. The moment you put on that wedding dress, everything changed.”
I smile softly. If I think about his reaction when he saw me in the wedding dress, I’ll get teary. I was so emotional that day, and Breaker’s unconditional support was the only thing that held me together. I had never seen his face look so . . . adoring. Or perhaps wowed. “You look . . . fuck, you look stunning, Ophelia.”
“I think everything changed in me at that moment too.”
“I hate you,” Breaker says. He’s leaning against a low fence, taking deep breaths while I giggle next to him, Jorge taking in the scene as well and trying not to laugh.
“Why do you hate me?” I ask.
His eyes shoot to me as he says, “You know I despise that godforsaken ride. It’s death waiting to happen.”
“It’s a kid’s ride,” I say about Goofy’s Skycoaster.
“That is not a fucking kid’s ride, that is . . . that is a nightmare.” He takes a deep breath, and Jorge walks over to him. “Can I get you some water, Breaker?”
“Oh, he’s fine,” I say, but Breaker tells him differently.
“Water would be amazing. Thank you so much, Jorge.”
“Not a problem. Be right back.”
Once Jorge leaves, Breaker stands straight and grabs my wrist, pulling me in close to his chest. With a firm hold on me, he says, “You’re going to pay for that later.”
“Why? I didn’t force you to go on the ride. That was your own choice.”