I shake my head. “Trust me, these walls are paper thin. You could hear everything. Just make yourself comfortable, and I’ll be back shortly.”
“Okay. Love you.”
I smile at him. “Love you.”
Phone in hand, I slip out of my apartment and go straight to Breaker’s. There is a very slim chance that he’s there, but at least I can try, and if he’s not, I can call him from his apartment.
I knock on the door gently and then give it a few moments before checking the door, it’s unlocked. I push through just as Breaker approaches the entryway.
“Lia, everything okay?”
I shut the door behind me and fold my arms at my chest. “No, everything is not okay.”
“Okay . . .” he drags out. “Well, I was just headed out—”
“Really? You’re not going to ask me what’s wrong?”
“I have a feeling I know,” he says as he moves back toward his guest room, and I follow him. It’s the one room the farthest away from my apartment. We’ve fought in here before while Brian was in my apartment, and there’s no doubt that’s what he’s thinking now. He takes a seat on the guest bed and says, “What’s going on?”
“What’s going on?” I say in a hushed but forceful tone. “How about you tell me what’s going on, because last I checked, you’re pawning our traditions off onto Brian.”
“I’m not pawning them off. I’m including him.”
“I don’t need you to include him. I do my own things with Brian. What I need you to do is stop pushing me away.”
“I literally saw you yesterday. How is that pushing you away?”
“You saw me for wedding things. You’re pushing me away from our normal stuff.”
He glances away, yet I can see he wants to say something. Something is on the tip of his tongue, but he’s holding back.
“Just say it,” I push.
He bows his head and shakes it.
“So is this how it’s going to be, Breaker? I’m engaged to be married, and now you won’t even tell me what you’re thinking?”
“I can’t tell you what I’m thinking.”
“Why not?” I ask.
“Because it’s about you,” he whisper-shouts.
I take a step back, trying to understand why he seems so jittery, so irritated.
“Well, if it’s about me, then just tell me. Clearly, it’s something you need to get off your chest.”
“Fine,” he says, and then his eyes meet mine. “You want to talk? We can talk. We’ve relied on each other too much, and I realized today that I’m not in a relationship because of you.”
“Excuse me?” I ask. “Uh, care to explain how that’s my fault?”
“Because you became my safety net. Why do I need a companion when I have you to fall back on?”
“So basically, because I was being a good friend, you’re mad at me and trying to extract me from your life?”
“No.” He tugs on his hair in frustration. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then what exactly are you saying, Breaker? Because it seems to me like you’re having some sort of relationship crisis because I’m getting married, and now you’re desperate to find someone, and the one person you have been seeing isn’t exactly what you were looking for. Therefore, you’re blaming me for all of it.”
“Wow.” He stands up now, his height towering over me. “That’s not what I was fucking saying. Way to twist my words.”
I throw my hands up in defeat. “Then what are you saying?”
“We’re just . . . we’re too close.”
“Too close?” I nod sarcastically. “Okay, so the friendship we’ve built over the last decade is too good. That’s the problem?” I step away. “Okay, good to know. I’m sorry for caring about you so much and being a part of your life to the point that I’ve actually hurt you.”
“Lia, don’t,” he says, reaching for me.
“No, you don’t,” I say as I turn around on him. “That’s really shitty, Breaker, for you to push me away because you think I’ve prevented you from finding someone to be with. I’ve done nothing of the sort. Your dating life is your problem, not mine. Maybe instead of looking at the people who love you and support you to blame, try looking inward. I’m not the reason you’re not with someone. The reason you’re single is because you don’t ever think anyone is good enough. Your standards are so impossibly high that no one will ever match them. That’s the problem. Not me.”