She moves back toward the bedroom, and I shut the bathroom door behind her.
Jesus Christ.
Get it together, man. You’re better than this. You’re smoother than this. You’re Breaker fucking Cane. Stop acting like a total nitwit, strap on a goddamn pair, and be the best friend this woman needs.
And for fuck’s sake, stop embarrassing yourself.
I take the next few minutes to go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, and create a mental wall that is completely impenetrable. Mark my words, when I slip into that bed, there will be no—and I mean NO—romantic thoughts of my best friend. Platonic. That’s what we’re going for. All the platonic-ness one can muster.
Is that even a word?
Doesn’t matter. That’s what’s happening.
Because if anything, I’m a Cane, and Canes are born with the crafty ability to hold strong, to not buckle, and to rely on their mental fortitude to get them through any situation.
There. Pep talk complete.
I exit the bathroom, turn off the light, and head over to the bed where Lia is already resting under the covers, her beautiful, silky hair fanned out against the dark of my pillowcase like a fucking . . . NO!
No thoughts of any fanning hair and how it’s a beautiful contrast against the navy pillowcase.
No goddamn poetic sonnets based around how the moonlight looks on her Irish alabaster skin.
Nothing.
Focus, Cane.
I move toward my side of the bed and ask, “Uh, you comfortable?”
“Always. I love your bed,” she says as she snuggles in even closer.
“Good,” I answer as I slip under the covers and turn off the light, letting the moon illuminate the space through the sheer gray curtains hanging over the window.
I turn toward her in bed, where she scoots closer, her knee knocking with mine.
Watch it, lady. Distance, maintain distance.
“You’re really jittery tonight,” she says. “Is it something I said or did?”
Yes, you just exist. That’s the problem.
“No,” I answer as I stare into her beautiful eyes. “Maybe I’m just restless, you know, with not having a job at the moment.”
“Are you sure? Because you’ve been weird ever since we left the dress shop.”
Because I couldn’t stop thinking how goddamn beautiful you are.
Wait, is that putting up a wall? No, it’s not. Then again, when she stares at me with those large, mossy eyes, I can’t seem to switch my brain back to protective mode.
“Stubbed my toe in there,” I say out of the blue.
“What?” she asks.
“Uh, yeah. Stubbed my toe and haven’t felt right ever since.”
“You’re being stupid,” she says while playfully pushing at my chest. “Is this your way of trying to make me feel better?”
“Yes,” I say, almost out of desperation. “Yup, you know me, always joking around.”
“Well, I appreciate the attempt, but I think I just need to get some sleep and rest my mind.”
“Yeah, might be best.” I smile. “Well, good night.”
“Night, Breaker.”
She turns away from me, and I mentally let out a large sigh. Well, thank God for that. Not sure what I would have done if she wanted to continue to talk. Now, I can just rest here in peace and not worry about staring into her eyes, getting lost in her late-night voice, or even thinking about— She scoots backward.
Uh, what is she doing?
Then some more.
Excuse me, you’re getting kind of close.
Her ass bumps into my leg.
Warning! Warning! She’s way too close.
“Whatcha got going on there?” I ask her, my body stiff as a board.
“Can you hold me, Breaker?”
Absolutely. Not.
Has she lost her goddamn mind?
Hold her?
In the same bed?
Like . . . she wants us to gulp spoon or something. What the hell has gotten into her, and why now? Why, on the day that I realize I love this girl? Is this some sick joke that I’m unaware of? Some prank that I’m caught up in? If so, it’s not fucking funny.
No way on God’s green earth am I about to spoon Lia.
“Please, Breaker. I could really use the comfort.”
Well . . . fuck . . . me.
“Um, do you think Brian would like to know that I held you at night?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do,” I say. “He would hate it.”
“It’s not like it matters. I’m not cheating on him. You’re my best friend, my family, the only person who can truly make me feel at peace. If you were a girl, I’d ask you to do the same.”