My breath becomes shallow again, and my eyes fall to his lips as he continues, “Tell him you want him to fuck you. To fuck you so mercilessly that you can’t take the constant hammering of his dick inside you until you come so hard that you can’t think of sex any other way but carnal.”
My lungs seize.
My toes tingle.
And my body is tempted to crumple right here on the floor from the erotic energy running through me.
I want that.
I want that carnal feeling he speaks of.
I want to feel a man so deep inside me that it makes my eyes well with tears.
I want to be stretched, licked, and fucked to the point that I can’t remember anything besides this undeniable feeling of him and only him.
“What if he doesn’t want to fuck me?” I whisper, my insecurity rearing up.
Breaker pauses and loops his index finger under my chin. He lifts my gaze to meet his. Very carefully, he says, “Then he’s not the man for you because, Lia . . . you deserve to be fucked. Just like you deserve to be worshiped. Hard.”
And before I can say another thing, he walks away.
Chapter Fourteen
BREAKER
“Dude, didn’t you just leave us?” JP asks when he opens his door.
I push past him and head straight to his kitchen.
“Uh, come in. Not like I’m doing anything important.”
“Where are your disgusting Bloody Marys?” I ask as I move around his kitchen.
“Uh, if you recall, the brunch was over at Huxley’s. He has everything,” JP says when he follows me into the kitchen.
“Then where’s your alcohol? I know you have some. Where is it?”
“Okay, I need you to slow down for a second.” He rests his hand on the counter. “Why are you all jittery?”
“Just give me fucking alcohol, okay?” I take a seat on one of his kitchen island seats and push my hands through my hair.
“What’s going on?” Kelsey asks, walking in with a concerned look.
“Breaker apparently needs alcohol but has yet to say why.”
“Because I’m in love with my best friend who’s getting married in four weeks. Do I need any other explanation?”
“No, I think that will do it,” JP says like a dick, and then he moves to a cabinet on the right of the fridge and pulls out a bottle of Scotch. “Will this do?”
“Yes, whatever, I don’t care. Just give me something, anything.”
Kelsey sits beside me and places her hand on my back soothingly. “What’s going on?”
“I feel like I’m going to lose it.” My body shakes with adrenaline as my emotions rip through me.
JP slides a glass of Scotch toward me, and I immediately down it and slide the glass back to him. “More.”
“Oh-kay,” he says.
“Breaker, talk to us,” Kelsey says.
I swallow the next glass and set it down, gripping the cylinder with both hands. “Do you remember when you two were in San Francisco, and you weren’t an item yet?”
“Yes,” they both say at the same time.
“And the night Kelsey was going out with that other guy and, JP, you didn’t know how to handle it because you really liked Kelsey? You got trashed that night and sent that stupid email.”
“Yes, unfortunately.”
“Well, that pain you were feeling, that’s what I’m feeling right now.” I tug on my hair. “Fuck.”
“Where is Lia now?” Kelsey asks.
“At home . . . with Brian.” I slap my hand on the counter and say, “And the worst thing about it all is because thanks to your little girl chat at brunch, she was asking me all about sex because apparently Brian is a real fucking dud in the bedroom and doesn’t go down on her.”
“What?” JP asks in disgust. “That’s like the best fucking part, making your girl come on your tongue.”
“That’s what I said, and she was asking for advice on how to give a good blow job.” I hold out my glass, and JP quickly pours some Scotch in it. “And I fucking told her how to give a good one. Right there, I told her everything, so now she’s over at her place, probably kneeling in front of Brian, the fucking douche, sucking his dick, because I’m the goddamn asshole who told her how to do it. Fuck!” I lean back in my chair and down the Scotch before setting the glass back down again.
“Wow, there’s a lot to unpack there,” JP says. “You really taught her how to give a good blow job? Why?”
“I don’t know, because I lost my mind. Because I can’t look her in the eyes and see the sadness Brian puts there. Because I couldn’t let her feel bad about herself when she’s clearly trying, and he’s not. So yeah, I told her how to please him, and now that they’re in her apartment, I couldn’t stay there. I couldn’t listen to her pleasure him. There was no fucking way, when all I want is for her to be with me. I mean, Jesus Christ, I was doing fine,” I yell, thrusting my arm out. “I was doing perfectly fine, and then I saw her in that wedding dress, and it’s like . . . my world snapped, and I can’t stop spiraling. Why couldn’t I have figured this out a year ago? A month ago, anytime where there wasn’t a countdown to doomsday when she attached herself to another man who does not fucking deserve her? Not even close.”