“You’re feeling guilty over leaving Jenny Kingston bleeding on the floor.”
It’s not a question but I answer. “Yes.”
“It was only a matter of time before that was going to happen. If not today, then tomorrow, or the next. She’s been working in that direction for a long while.”
I’m quiet. While that may be true, I can’t help but think it wouldn’t have happened today if I hadn’t been in her room, rummaging through their safe. She would have come out of the bathroom and sunk into her bed, just like she did every other day I was there. So if she is successful today, then that’s on me.
“Yes, I know,” I answer him.
“You got the job done, but you were reckless. Taking a chance with the safe. Letting that drunk sneak up on you. You’re better than that.”
And he’s right. I am better than that. I should have noticed that she stopped singing. I should have heard her clumsy footsteps cross the bathroom floor. I should have heard the turn of the knob on the door.
“What would you have done if she hadn’t fallen on her own?” he asks me.
“I don’t know,” I answer quickly. And that’s the truth. What lengths would I have taken to ensure I got away? I guess I’ll never know.
“I’ll answer that for you. You do whatever you have to do to save yourself and the job. Because never forget this is a job. You are not a part of that family. That is not your life. Not your world. You’re a ghost who drifted through it for a little bit of time. Those people don’t give a shit about you, so don’t give a shit about them.”
I’m quiet as he continues to unload on me. His words are like a knife to the chest.
“I watched you for a long while. You got as far as you did on your own because you are resourceful and can think on your feet. You also have that natural intuition that can’t be learned. Those are gifts. Gifts you almost squandered today. I understand you felt the need to call Matt for help when you found the safe, but calling in is a last resort. Asking for help becomes a crutch. I need people who can problem solve without outside assistance, because aid isn’t always available. That woman slipped up on you because you were more worried about rushing the job and leaning on Matt for help. You should have taken a step back. Done research on the safe. Determined how to get in without the code. Not break your identity by making a fucking phone call while his goddamn wife was soaking in the tub in the next room.”
The obscenities seem more vulgar coming from the mechanical voice. It’s not the pep talk I expected, but surprisingly it was the pep talk I needed. And he’s absolutely right. I was rushing the job. I didn’t want to spend another day getting more attached to Miles.
Going forward I have to do better. I will be better. This was a tough lesson to learn.
It’s crushing for him to lay the truth out like that. Even though I will remember Miles and this job for the rest of my life, he will no doubt forget about me. But Mr. Smith is wrong. I’m not just a ghost who passed through the Kingstons’ life.
I am a ghost passing through my own life.
The only one who cares about me is me. The only one who is going to make sure I survive is me.
I am on my own.
He finally says, “Money will be transferred to your account for the completion of this job. Instructions for your next job will arrive within the week. Take a few days to pack your things, since your next job will require relocating. I can’t risk you running into the Kingstons.”
“Yes, sir.”
“The ambulance has already taken Mrs. Kingston from the residence and the police are questioning Mr. Kingston as we speak. Next time I ask you to tell me every detail, don’t leave a single fucking thing out.”
I take a deep breath and hold it in until there’s a slight burn in my chest and my head feels a little fuzzy. Letting the air out in a quiet whoosh, I whisper, “I’ll be better. No mistakes.” Silently, I add, And I will never get attached on the job again.
“No mistakes,” he repeats.
Chapter 13
Present Day
This dinner party will be very different from the one we had a few weeks ago. I’m setting the table on the back patio rather than the one in the dining room since the weather is nice and the mosquitoes haven’t gotten bad yet. Ryan is icing down the beer and wine we bought earlier, placing it in the decorative galvanized tub with Sumner etched across the front. Sara gave him the tub on his last birthday; if there is one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that Southerners believe the best gift is a personalized gift.