I owe her an apology for leaving her with Castletree in this state. For leaving her at all.
What do I say? That I never feel fear around the goblins or during the long, lonely nights, but she frightens me beyond measure? That each smile or touch she offers me is like a lightning strike, rending me to my core? And more than all of these things, I know it is only a matter of time before my determination breaks, and I will be hopelessly lost to her?
“Rosalina,” I manage, “I’m sorry.”
She sighs and walks over to me. Her every movement, from the sway of her hips to the exasperated pout, sends my heart pounding. “It’s okay. I know the goblins are wonderful company. Next time, I’m going to paint myself green and sharpen my teeth, so you’ll want to hang out with me.” She makes a ridiculous attempt at a scary face and holds her hands up like claws.
A low laugh escapes me and I reach forward, tucking a strand of hair behind her pointed ear. “They certainly don’t have your sense of humor.”
She sighs and rolls her eyes, pushing herself closer to me. “I just missed you.”
Despite my better judgment, I place my hands on either side of her face, lightly stroking her cheeks with my thumbs. “It’s easier this way.”
“Tell my heart that.”
The honesty of her words tears through me. What would she say if I offered every piece of myself to her? Would she have me? Would she break me?
One step to the Spring Realm. One question asked of Rosalina. I have the strength to do neither.
Bright pink floods Rosalina’s cheeks, and she gives an awkward laugh. “I shouldn’t keep you.”
Reluctantly, I drop my hands from her face and turn back to the mirror. “You’re not. I’m the one delaying. It seems I cannot get my feet to work.”
“You’re nervous?” she asks.
“Terrified,” I admit softly.
She reaches out and laces her fingers through mine. “Are you afraid to see your people?”
“No. I’m sure I will be welcomed warmly, despite my extended absence. There’s even a member of Keep Hammergarden’s staff I’m looking forward to reuniting with. It’s—”
“Your father.”
“How did you know?”
She blinks up at me. “You mentioned he was sick. It’s hard to see our loved ones like that.”
Especially when I know it was my actions that made him so. A numbness tingles through my chest as I fight away the memory. “My father, Thalionor, is serving as steward over Spring. I call him sick, but it’s not exactly that. Physically, he’s still sound. After my mother died, he fell into a daze. It was as if he was the same person on the outside, but on the inside, he was … empty.”
Rosalina squeezes my hand. “Your mother’s passing was hard on everyone in your family.”
A small crack emerges among the numbness in my chest, words trapped within waiting to get out. “My father, my brother Kairyn, and I… We were all so hard all the time. That’s the way it is in Spring, in the royal family. You must be the foundation for your people to grow upon. But our mother was this filament of softness that held us together. Like the moss that grows over the rock. She was beloved as a High Princess, the fated mate of my father. She taught me everything I know of honor, of duty to our realm. For Kairyn, she was the only person he ever truly felt at home with.”
“I’m so sorry, Ezryn,” Rosalina whispers, leaning her head against my shoulder.
The pearlescent colors of the mirror swim before my eyes. “My father was a brilliant man before her passing. Though my mother was High Princess, Father often went abroad, directly serving the villages away from our capital. The people adored him. Still do, despite his condition. He was a great warrior, valiant and bold. Honor to the realm is everything to him.”
“How was—is—he as a father?” Rosalina asks tentatively.
I sigh. “Strict. He demanded a lot of Kairyn and me. He wanted us to be great.” I shake my head. “It was easier for me to follow in his example. But Kairyn was never good at following instructions or trusting in the process of something. It created tension between him and Father.”
“Is that why you’re afraid to see your father?” she asks. “Because he was so stern?”
“No,” I say slowly. “I was never afraid of him.” My mind reels trying to find the truth, trying to put this pain into words. “When I visit my father now, I see everything I’m missing. Not only who he used to be. But he’s the last remaining tie to my mother. I wish more than anything I could be the ruler she was.” I close my eyes, voice hoarse. “My father was her mate. Watching who he was vanish before my eyes … It feels like watching her die all over again.”