“Don’t fucking care.”
“If it’s not ED, the only other option is…you went exclusive.”
Fucking Killian and his psycho mind should be banned from existing around me. I’m struggling as it is and barely stopping myself from shouting that “I’m off to fuck my lotus flower” every night and “I’m gonna give my lotus flower a good morning kiss” every day.
It should be blasphemous that I’m expected to keep any sort of secret. I’m a muscles guy who prefers speaking with his fists. Everything else needs to fuck right the fuck off.
I don’t like complicated. I don’t do complicated.
Anyone who entrusts me with their secrets is a fool. Bran is a fucking fool. But he believes in my discretion, so I can’t just advertise the whole unorthodox relationship.
Though he’d lose his marbles if I were to call it a relationship.
It’s a situationship.
A deal at best and a whoring contract at worse.
Sometimes, it feels like a relationship. Especially after the fire. He’s started coming to the penthouse more often than not, and the times he can’t, he sends me texts like:
My cousin and brothers are dragging me to this party. If I leave, it’ll be suspicious. I’m sorry. Will I see you tomorrow morning?
The girls invited me to their flat and I can’t make up an excuse this time. Glyn is asking if I’m okay because she’s growing worried, and I don’t want to put that burden on her. I’m really sorry. Can I still see you in the morning?
So yeah, the first time he didn’t come to the penthouse, I ghosted him the next morning as well, but I couldn’t keep doing that when he was apologizing and basically begging me to meet him for our runs.
He’s so fucking adorable. Though I wouldn’t tell him that out loud or it’d freak him out. He gets antsy whenever I treat him gently outside of sex.
It’s like he’s scared of the prospect of us growing closer or something. And yet he’s the one who does my grocery shopping and cooks for me.
I don’t remember what all the fancy dishes are called, and I’m pretty sure I don’t eat them the right way, considering the way he shakes his head in disapproval, but they taste awesome. Which is the whole point behind food, if you ask me.
He’s the one who stays a bit longer every night, as if he’s finding it harder to leave. He comes up with excuses about cleaning up and cooking or finishing the late-night murder mystery, but I know it’s because he loves me and wants to be with me more.
Okay, he doesn’t exactly love me. But I’m totally growing on him.
I catch him smiling at my antics, and he does that more now. Smiling, I mean.
He also tolerates my flirting more and replies to my texts in a timely manner. I think he even likes filthy texts now. He’s become a fan of the dick pics as well, though he often tells me to stop sending them.
Sometimes, I find him looking at me with this cryptic expression when I’m watching his boring movies.
Other times, however, he looks at me as if I’m an alien, which is usually my cue that he’ll leave. Other times, he locks himself in the bathroom for more than half an hour and comes out distraught, his real expression hidden behind the disturbing control that he wields so well.
It doesn’t help that whenever I ask him if everything is okay, he lies through his teeth with that fake smile and says the word that I hate the most now. Fine.
He’s anything but fine, but I don’t know how to get him to talk. That is, if I’m supposed to do that when we’re not in a relationship.
Bran is a vault. No matter how much I bang on the surface, it never cracks. He always, without a doubt, slips behind the steel walls and closes himself off.
A tap on my shoulder brings me back to the present and I find my cousin staring at me. “Are you thinking about them? A man? A woman? Both?”
“Fuck off, Kill.”
“Honestly, I can’t imagine you in a relationship.”
“Why the fuck not?” I snap.
He pauses, raising an eyebrow. “You’re too volatile. Besides, you said you don’t want a partner. Ever. Since you’re a free soul and refuse to be tied down.”
Right. I did say that.
Fuck. I completely forgot that I actually used to think that way not too long ago. What is it about Bran that makes me want to fucking tie him to me?
It’s the conquest, right?
Just because I have his body, I don’t have his soul, and I’m on the edge because I want his everything.
Once he hands that over, I’ll discard him.