I felt my eyes spring with tears over and over, and I had to keep wiping them away. You wouldn’t think you could do all those things at once, would you? Dancing, singing, and getting misty-eyed? But I’m here as proof: It’s possible.
But maybe that song really was a talisman for joy, because just as the song was ending, I spotted a wine with a celebratory polka-dotted label on sale for six dollars a bottle.
By the time I made it to the register with my arms full of wine, I was feeling like Sue had the right idea. Of course we should celebrate! I’d have to put my dog Peanut—who was even more introverted than I was—in the closet with his dog bed for a few hours, but he’d forgive me. Probably.
I picked up some little taco-shaped dog treats as a preemptive apology. They’d take me over budget, but Peanut was worth it.
At the register, I eyed a little bouquet of white gerbera daisies, thinking it might be nice to have one to tuck behind my ear—something my mom used to do when I was little. It felt like she might like to see me celebrate that way. With a flower.
But then I decided it was too expensive.
Instead, I set the wine and dog treats on the counter, smiling at the store owner, and I reached around for my purse …
Only to realize I didn’t have it.
I looked down and then felt my other hip, to see if I might have slung it on backward. Then I glanced around at the floor to see if I’d dropped it. Then I left my wine and dog treats on the counter, holding my finger up like “one second” as I dashed to check the empty aisles.
Nothing. Huh. I’d left it at home.
Not all that surprising, given the flurry of today.
Marie had already started ringing up the wine by the time I got back and so, not wanting to interrupt her conversation, I shook my hands at her, like, Never mind.
She looked at me like, Don’t you want this?
I shrugged back in a way that tried to convey, I’m so sorry! I forgot my purse.
She dropped her shoulders in a sigh, but before she could start to cancel everything, a man’s voice from behind me said, “I’ll get it.”
I turned around in surprise, frowning at him, like, How did you get in here?
But he just gave me a nod and turned back to the owner. “I can cover that.”
This isn’t relevant … but he was cute.
He was a generic white guy—you know, the kind that’s practically a Ken doll. But a really, really appealing version.
Because of my job as a portrait artist, I can never look at a face for the first time without mentally assessing it for its shapes and structure and most compelling features—and I can tell you exactly why he was handsome and also why he was basic. Artistically, I mean.
Everything about him was generically, perfectly proportional. He didn’t have an outsize chin, for example, or cavernous nostrils or Dumbo ears. He didn’t have Steven Tyler lips or crazy teeth or a unibrow. Not that any of those things are bad. Distinctive features make a face unique, and that’s a good thing. But it’s also true that the most generic faces are consistently rated as the best-looking.
Like, the more you look like a composite of everyone, the more we all like you.
This guy was as close to a composite as I’d seen in a while. Short, neat hair. A proportional forehead, nose bridge, jaw, and chin. Perfectly placed cheekbones. A straight nose with stunningly symmetrical nostrils. And you couldn’t draw better ears. Flawless. Not too flat, but not too protruding. With perfect plump little earlobes.
I am a bit of an earlobe snob. Bad earlobes could really be a deal-breaker for me.
Not kidding: I’ve complimented people on their earlobes before. Out loud.
Which never goes well, by the way.
There are tricks to making a face look appealing when you’re drawing a portrait. Humans seem to find certain elements universally appealing, and if you emphasize those, the person looks that much better. This is a scientific thing. It’s been studied. The theory is that certain features and proportions elicit feelings of “aww, that’s adorable” in us, which prompts caregiving behaviors, affection, and an urge to move closer. In theory, we evolved this reaction in response to baby faces, so we’d feel compelled to take care of our young, but when those same features and patterns crop up in other places, on other faces, we like them there, too.
We can even find sea cucumbers adorable, from the right angle.
Or the man who’s attempting to pay for our wine and dog treats.
Because in addition to his generic handsomeness, this guy also had elements in his features—invisible to the untrained eye—that subliminally established cuteness. His lips were smooth, and full, and a warm, friendly pink that signified youth. His skin was clear in a way that evoked good health. And the real clincher was the eyes—slightly bigger than average （always a crowd-pleaser） with a slight melancholic downturn at their corners that gave him an irresistible sweet puppy-dog look.