“I’m happy she apologized,” Jack says.
“She did so much more than that,” I say. “Trust me.”
“I’m happy that you’re happy,” Jack says. “Are you at Sylvie’s yet?”
“I’m making a quick stop. Picking up a few things.” I finally get out of the car and bolt for the door. My hair gets soaked immediately.
“Don’t put it off too long,” Jack says.
“This is an essential errand,” I say as I head for the candy aisle. “Then I’m on my way to Sylvie’s. I probably won’t be able to call you later.”
“Why not?” Jack asks. “You should come by after.”
I’m loading up my arms with the sugar sludge and powder as I answer.
“I’m gonna be with Autumn.” I scan the aisles and realize this place keeps the condoms behind the counter, so I’m going to have to talk to the creep. “I should probably go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Okay, Finn.” Jack sighs. “Later.”
I hang up. Yup, there they are behind the counter.
I should not have assumed this guy wouldn’t start his shift this early. The pay is probably terrible, and the hours are likely long. I’ll simply ask for the condoms and hope he won’t say something gross.
I approach the counter and wait. The creep is making jokes with the customer in front of me. He doesn’t notice me until it’s my turn and I drop the load of sugar onto the counter.
He looks behind me like he’s hoping to see her, and his face falls. I look at the shine of his forehead, not his eyes.
“And some—a twelve pack of condoms.” I try to keep my voice casual.
I hate that this guy intimidates me. His behavior oozes everything I hate about stereotypes of my gender, yet somehow, there’s a part of me that wants to be man enough for him. It’s probably rooted in my dad not being around, but the point is guys like this one make me feel disgusted yet inadequate.
He rings up Autumn’s candy before grabbing the condoms from the shelf behind him. He glances at me with a smirk, trying to catch my eye. I need to tell Autumn the truth about this guy.
I’m so in my head I don’t even hear him speak to me.
“What?”
“Big plans tonight?” He taps the box of condoms with his index finger.
“You are so gross,” I hear myself say, and for a moment, the creep and I are both surprised. “Sorry,” I say, even though I’m not. “Stop leering at teen girls. Meet someone your own age.”
The man’s shiny forehead is suddenly cut by a bright red-purple vein. His mustache wiggles with his fury.
I throw down my money and head out. I vow to always carry cash with me for the rest of my life in case of a similar situation.
The man shouts something after me, but it doesn’t matter what because I’m already sliding into my car. I pull out of the parking lot. I have places to be.
sixteen
Sylvie’s house isn’t as nice as a lot of people from school would expect. I don’t mean to say that it’s not a perfectly good home, but Sylvie carries herself like she lives in a mansion. It’s not a bad thing. I love her poise. I admire the way she finds high-end stuff on sale and handwashes her silk dresses and cashmere sweaters.
It’s not that Sylvie pretends to be rich. It’s more like she’s dressing for the adult she wants to be. It’s part of how she took control of her life after Wilbur, I think. And even though she doesn’t know what dream she wants to pursue, she knows that she could be a senator or CEO.
Sylvie and I make a great team. I never thought, I want to marry her, but I couldn’t see myself breaking up with her either.
I love Sylvie, and the thought makes the ache in my chest intensify. I pull to the side of the road.
It’s not a “but not in love with her” situation. I am in love with Sylvie, but I cannot be with her anymore, and that hurts. It also hurts to know that I am going to hurt her. The fact that this is all my choice doesn’t make it any better. I need to get off the side of the road and drive the rest of the way to her house, but I don’t. Not yet. I tap the CD player and start the song I played for Autumn last night. Last night, when everything was different between Autumn and me.
If only I’d told her that I loved her years ago, I wouldn’t be here now. Because she loved me. She loved me this whole time.
Only two things will get me through this.
The first is that I want Sylvie to be with someone who loves her the way that I love Autumn. She deserves that.