I don’t know. It never occurred to me that there were enough parents out there with dead kids for there to be different types of them. It seems like a whole secret world of people I never considered. Before I can think on it much, Angelina continues.
“But I saw someone at a stoplight asking for change the other day, and he was wearing pants that were too short, and I thought, He needs pants like Finny’s, and I knew what he would have wanted me to do. It’s his stuff, so if that’s what Finny would have wanted, it’s what I should do.” She looks up at me, and I nod.
“I could drop off stuff or…” I trail off as Angelina frowns.
“Autumn isn’t ready to let go of a lot of things in Finny’s room yet. When I told her about wanting to donate Finn’s clothes… Well, she knows that I’m donating them by Christmas, and she’s keeping the jeans that were on his floor.” She shakes her head. “I’m sorry. The point of this was to say that I’ll keep the first aid kit in my car, but do you need a pair of jumper cables?”
“Yeah, actually.” Finn had mentioned once or twice that I should have some and a first aid kit, but he’d have settled for jumper cables at least.
“I’d like to think of you using them,” Angelina says. “Not that I wish you car trouble, but like the CDs and his clothes, I want his things out there in the world, being used.”
“Yeah, I get that,” I say. “I hope Autumn lets you do want you want with his stuff.”
Another shadow crosses her face.
“Autumn is having a hard time accepting the reality of the situation,” she says. “It’s not that she wouldn’t let me. It’s that…” Her voice trails off again, like she’s watching a scene play out in her mind. Angelina bites her lip and shakes her head. “I’m sorry, Jack. Autumn will be fine in time. I think I worry even more about her now because I can’t worry about him, you know?” For the first time since she opened the door, tears come to her eyes.
“She’s coming to Springfield, right?”
Angelina shakes her head. “Maybe next year. Autumn needs more time,” she repeats.
“Oh,” I say.
“I’m so excited for you, Jack.” Angelina’s trying to change the tone of our conversation. “College will be good for you. It’s a whole new world.”
“Yeah.” I try to match her upbeat tone.
“And next year, you’ll be able to show Autumn the ropes, hmm?” She tries to smile.
“Of course,” I say. “Um, tell her I said hi?”
“I will.” Angelina reaches out like she’s going to stroke my hair, then she rests her hand on my shoulder. “Thank you for being such a good friend to us all.”
Perhaps I’m not as good as she thinks, because I don’t tell her about the plastic bag under the seat that was meant for Autumn.
I don’t take it next door to her. I don’t throw it out either.
I put Finn’s jumper cables in my trunk and leave his gift for Autumn hidden under my driver’s seat, the way it had been hidden in his car. I can’t get rid of it. It tethers him to this world, but it’s also a symbol of how chasing her had killed him in the end.
Autumn will be fine without it. Angelina said so.
ten
It isn’t until I get Alexis’s text saying we need to talk that it occurs to me we haven’t broken up yet. Somehow, the fact that we never officially got back together doesn’t change the fact that we need to officially un-together ourselves. So I agree to meet her at the coffee shop in Ferguson.
I didn’t put much thought into it, but apparently Alexis did.
As soon as I see her waiting for me at a table in the center of the room, I can tell something is off. For one thing, Alexis is always late. Something about the way her collar is buttoned up and her legs are crossed under the table gives off Sylvie vibes, and not in a good way.
“Hey,” I say as I slump in the seat across from her. I used to think that I was in love with her.
“Glad you could make it,” Alexis says, and it feels like she’s cosplaying as Sylvie, or rather the worst sides of Sylvie. The Sylvie that looked down on you for being okay with getting a C on a quiz.
“Yeah.” Even though I know it’s hopeless, I try to steer the conversation to more casual tones. “Thanks for inviting me. Good to clear the air before school, you know?”
“No, Jack, I don’t know,” Alexis says.