10
EMMA
Now
Emma knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. Long after Nathan went up to bed, she remained downstairs, stalking from room to room. She furiously dusted a bookshelf, threw open a closet to shove old coat hangers and ancient wrapping paper into a trash bag, abandoned it to scrub the grime from the powder room faucet. She lurched from room to room and task to task, completing nothing.
And every time she walked through the foyer and the dining room, the words on the wall taunted her.
MURDERER
KILLER
PSYCHO
She’d heard them all. Whispered behind her, spoken boldly to her face. She’d left Arden Hills, but the rumors had followed her to her new high school. The principal and teachers had made noise about making sure the school was a safe place for her, but in their eyes, she’d seen the same questions.
She’d dropped out. Christopher Best had tried to talk her out of it, and her next foster family had reenrolled her in school, but with less than a year until she aged out, it wasn’t like anyone was really paying attention when she just didn’t go. It wasn’t until she was on her own that she got her GED, got herself into community college—far away from Arden Hills.
MURDERER. KILLER. PSYCHO.
She found the bags from the hardware store. She pulled on a mask and rubber gloves, and she got to work. The fumes made her eyes water as she scrubbed at the words, watching them surrender to the chemical assault. She started to feel woozy, realized she hadn’t thought to open a window. She yanked it open. The air was as swampy outside as it was inside.
She had outrun this. For a little while. All it had taken was lying to everyone she met. Lying to her husband.
She stripped off the mask. The chemical tang was heavy in the air. She threw the gloves and mask onto the end table nearby. The words were almost gone, but the trace of them remained. You could still read them, if you knew what they said.
She shouldn’t be doing this. It couldn’t be good for the baby. She needed to think of more than just herself. She needed to eat well and sleep and avoid stress, as the doctor had so helpfully suggested, like that was possible.
Emma’s phone rang, startling her. She pulled it out of her pocket. Gabriel’s name glowed on the screen. She hurried to answer, adrenaline coursing through her.
“Hello? Gabriel?” she said, pressing the phone to her ear. What time was it?
“Emma.” A sigh, a silence. “Look. I’m sorry to call so late, but I wanted to tell you … I wasn’t expecting to see you. I thought I could leave the keys and go.”
“It’s okay,” Emma said at once. “I understand. The way we left things…”
“The way you left things, you mean,” Gabriel said. “You took off. You didn’t say a goddamn word.”
“I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me.”
“You were right. That doesn’t mean you didn’t owe me an explanation.”
“I never wanted any of it to happen,” Emma told him. “I’m sorry. Sorrier than you can know. I didn’t realize that Ellis was going to try to put it on you. I didn’t know he even knew who you were.”
“You lied, Emma,” Gabriel said. She shut her eyes. “You told him you were with your sisters that night. And I know you weren’t, because you were with me. You gave yourself an alibi and left me without one.”
“You would have been in trouble if Ellis thought I was with you, too,” Emma said. “You know how many times I told him you weren’t my boyfriend and he didn’t believe me? If he knew I was at your house—in your bed that night—”
“You know, if I’ve got to be falsely accused of something I’d rather it be sleeping with you than double murder, actually,” Gabriel said bitterly.
“Gabriel…”
“What?” he asked, voice rough.
Emma looked at the words written on the wall. It didn’t matter how thoroughly she scrubbed, painted, covered them up. They’d always be there. “I was with you that night. But not the whole night. You left.”
“Yeah. I did,” Gabriel said. “But, Emma? So did you.”
Her breath hitched. He knew. He’d figured it out.
The silence stretched. Then Gabriel’s voice came again, steady and calm. “Listen, Emma. I’ve helped out with the house. I didn’t mind doing that. And I can’t stop you from coming back, obviously. But I don’t need you in my life. You only ever fucked things up for me.”