“Then I won’t ever remember.”
“Maybe some of it. But if it’s not there, trying won’t do anything.”
Emma considered her. “It sounds like you have experience.”
“Remember that thing about doing stupid amounts of drugs?” JJ asked. She sat on the bed across from Emma, raking her hair back from her face.
“Oxy. Benzos, maybe,” Logan had said.
“What do you remember about that night?” Emma asked softly. “We never talked about it.”
JJ looked at her steadily, but there was the flicker in her eye, the fear. “I remember plenty. I remember you telling us what to do. How to lie.”
“You were at the Saracen house with Logan Ellis,” Emma said. “But you took off. Where did you go?”
“We’re not doing this.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t feel like being interrogated by my sister,” JJ said.
“I’ve learned more about you from ten minutes talking to Logan than I ever did living with you,” Emma said, a little sadly.
“Logan doesn’t know anything about me,” JJ shot back.
“But he was with you that night. He said he never saw you after the Saracen house, but he was lying, I could tell,” Emma said. It wasn’t a question. She wasn’t sure if she wanted an answer. “You know, I could never figure out if you turned your back on me because you thought I did it, or because you had.”
JJ sucked in a breath, her eyelids flaring briefly before her face settled back into a calm expression.
“You’re the one who said you wanted to kill them. You’re the one who fought with them constantly,” JJ said.
“You had a whole secret life.”
“And I never got caught, did I? Things were working, and I knew all I had to do was wait,” JJ said.
“Unless they found out,” Emma pointed out. “What happened to the clothes you were wearing?”
“You’re the one that hid them,” JJ said.
“Those weren’t yours,” Emma said. “You were wearing someone else’s clothes.”
“If you’re going to accuse me of something—”
“Why did you tell Vic you needed to find out what I knew?” Emma asked sharply.
JJ shoved to her feet.
“What were you doing at the house this morning?” Emma pressed, and JJ blanched.
“—going in there, so if you’ll excuse me,” came a voice from the hall.
Emma pushed herself up, brow furrowing. JJ’s head twisted around toward the noise as Gabriel pushed his way into the room. A nurse appeared behind him, not at all happy.
“Sir, I told you, you cannot come in here.”
“It’s okay,” Emma said, puzzled. “He’s a friend.” The nurse looked between them. Sighed. Walked away.
“I heard what happened. Are you okay?” Gabriel asked.
“You shouldn’t be here,” Emma said.
“I was worried about you. I’ve been thinking ever since you came over. Thinking about how I fucked up, not talking to you, blaming you for what happened. I was on my way to talk to you and I saw all the cops and one of them told me you were here,” Gabriel said.
Her heart thumped in her chest. Gabriel was here. All these years later and she still felt safe when he was around, even if it had never been true. “I’m fine. Just dehydration, mostly. They’re about to discharge me.”
“Where will you go?” Gabriel asked. She hadn’t thought about that yet.
“I don’t know,” she admitted.
“Then I’ll take you to the house,” Gabriel said.
JJ snorted. “Yeah, that’ll look great. Going straight from your husband’s murder scene to your boyfriend’s house.”
“He’s not—”
“I know,” JJ said sharply. “But that’s what it’s going to look like. Come on, Emma. You’re the smart one. Be smart.”
Emma’s jaw clenched so tightly her back teeth hurt. Like she was going to take advice from JJ right now? “Just get me out of here, will you?” she said to Gabriel pleadingly. He nodded.
“Fine,” JJ said. “Just—don’t say anything. To anyone.”
“I never did,” Emma said quietly.
JJ hesitated a moment, and then strode out the door.
31
EMMA
Now
Lorelei said nothing when Emma appeared on her doorstep, only held the door open and gave Gabriel a look that could have been a whole conversation. Emma could only guess that Lorelei wasn’t thrilled to have her here, to have Gabriel involved in her drama, but she’d made up the guest room already, and while Emma sat in the back garden, the wind catching at her hair, she brought out a cup of coffee.