This private moment, whatever it is, something secret that I’m not meant to see.
I’m about to force myself to turn around, aware of Mr. Jefferson waiting just downstairs, when whoever Levi is talking to walks into view, pulling my attention back. It takes a few seconds for me to register what I’m seeing, her body coming into focus after a few long blinks: slender arms, that shock of black hair. Curls bouncy and wild as she saunters into the frame and sits down next to him.
Then I watch as Lucy’s long fingers weave their way through his hair, holding him close, his lips on hers as she goes in for a kiss.
CHAPTER 42
I barrel back down the stairs, mind spinning and knees weak as I thank Mr. Jefferson for the coffee and babble some excuse about needing to get home.
I had stared out that window for entirely too long: frozen with shock, hands on the trim, forehead practically pushed into the glass as I willed myself to blink my eyes and find Lucy’s face replaced with somebody else’s. Desperate for it all to be some kind of complex mirage, a trauma-induced delusion. A misunderstanding that could be easily explained—but it wasn’t. It’s not.
That’s Lucy next door. Lucy, with Levi, the two of them tangled together in a drawn-out kiss.
I’m rounding the corner of the driveway when the sudden sound of her laugh stops me in my tracks. I watch as Lucy emerges from his house, eyes lighting up when she catches sight of me in the street, mere feet from the door.
“Margot!” she yells, waving her hand. “There you are!”
Levi appears in the doorway now, too, hands in his pockets and his head ducked low. He’s wearing a T-shirt and flannel pajama pants, caught off guard and a little disheveled, though Lucy is acting like everything is fine. Like this is entirely normal, her being here. Walking toward me in Levi’s front yard, arms outstretched, the big reveal on some game show I didn’t even know I was playing. It’s like that very first day she showed up in my dorm, ruby-red bikini and sun-kissed cheeks as she leaned against the doorframe, messed with her hair.
The way she had sauntered in so casually, trailing her fingers across all my things as if claiming ownership over them, and me.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, my eyes darting between them. Thinking about all the times she’s stepped into my room since, appeared out of nowhere, or was already in there when I walked in myself: scanning the pictures on my mantel, flipping through the books on my desk. Inserting herself into all the spaces where she shouldn’t have been and acting like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Lucy stops short, hesitating in the driveway like I reached out and slapped her.
“You said—” I watch as her smile fades slightly, her excitement at seeing me being slowly replaced with something that looks like shame. It feels strange, that expression on her. I’ve never seen Lucy ashamed over anything. “You said I could come.”
“What?” I ask, taking another step forward. Still trying to wrap my mind around seeing her, here. With him. “What do you mean?”
“For Christmas. You said if I didn’t want to be alone on Christmas … oh God, I’m sorry. You didn’t actually mean it, did you? You were being nice.”
“You came for Christmas,” I repeat, remembering that conversation on the porch. My offer, her decline. The sad smile on her face and the split second when I actually thought she might agree.
“I feel like an idiot.”
“No, don’t feel like an idiot. I just mean … why are you here?” I ask, gesturing to Levi, lowering my voice. “With him?”
“I went to your parents’ house earlier but your mom said you were visiting a friend. I saw Levi’s Jeep in the driveway so I’d figured I’d come by and say hi. Pass the time until you were done.”
I open my mouth, ready to confront her with what I saw through the window—but then I close it again, deciding that I don’t want either one of them to know I was up there watching. Even more, I want to see if Lucy will bring it up herself. If she’ll try to hide it or if she’ll come clean, tell me everything. Explain what she was doing in Levi’s bedroom, fingers wound tight around his hair.
“I felt weird just sitting at your parents’ house without you there,” she says at last, a hint of embarrassment in her voice. “They didn’t even know who I was.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, looking between Lucy and Levi, trying to force a smile. It’s true that I had kept her from my parents—the details, at least. The intimate things I didn’t want them to taint. It was nothing personal, just my own selfish desire to keep my two lives blissfully separate, but I can see now how that must have felt for her, showing up to her best friend’s house and being met with nothing but blank stares.