Anaheim. Sumner was picked up by Anaheim.
Why did I assume it would be on the East Coast?
That was shortsighted of me. Having him play near where we already live would have been too convenient, and there is nothing convenient about a career in professional sports. He’ll be living across the country. On the road constantly. I guess this is it.
I guess this is it.
“Thank you,” Sumner says, hanging up the phone. His hand falls to his side, and he’s not looking at anyone but me. “Britta, can I talk to you outside?”
“I’m happy for you,” I say, letting him hear my pride in every note of those four words, because that is genuine. I am so proud of him. “I really am. You know that, right?”
“Please. Outside.”
I shake my head.
He tosses his phone on the counter, takes three big steps, and plucks me up out of the seat, tossing me up into his arms so I’m cradled against his chest.
“Sumner,” calls his father. “You were taught better than that. You’re not supposed to use your size against a woman, son.”
“This is an exception,” Sumner shouts back.
And he kicks open the back door, shutting it in the same loud manner.
As soon as we’re in the middle of his backyard, a postage stamp with patchy grass in various places, he sets me down, but he doesn’t let me go.
He stoops down until we’re eye level, his big hands settling on my shoulders. “Don’t you dare check out on me, Britta. On us.”
I’m trapped in a weird place, stuck between elation and dread. “Why can’t you just let me be happy for you?”
“Because I know what you really mean when you say you’re happy for me. You’re telling me goodbye.”
“What else am I supposed to do?” I burst out, highly aware of the faces in the window observing the scene between me and Sumner. With an
effort, I calm myself back down and speak to him in a quiet, reasonable tone. “We accomplished what we set out to do. You needed to stay with the Bandits long enough to be signed—and it happened. We did it. You did it.
It’s your dream.”
“Yeah? But along the way, Britta, the dream started to include you. All right?” He impresses that on me with an intense look. One that leaves no room for doubt that he means what he’s saying. “Maybe my dream has included you since the beginning, but the more time that passed, it started to feel like an actual possibility. You and me, Britta.”
I don’t know what to say. Or do.
What does he want from me?
I’m afraid to find out.
Nevertheless, a moment later, I do.
“Come with me, sweetheart. Please. I know I’m asking a lot of you really soon. I know I’ve been asking a lot of you—”
“I . . . I can’t,” I sputter automatically. So cold. I’m so cold. “I can’t just pick up a-and move. Leave the bar. I’m an owner now. What would I do?”
“Go to business school, like you’ve been thinking about. I’ll support you and love you through anything. Anything. Don’t make me leave you behind, goddammit. Please.”
My throat is going to cave in from the pressure. My gut reaction, driven by fear and doubt and the pain of the past, wants me to scream no.
But my heart is demanding a yes, and the conflict they’re waging inside me is knee-weakeningly fierce. The only option I’m left with is to evade. “I mean, we can’t just take a few days and think about this?”
“Tonight is my last game with the Bandits. I have to be on a plane tomorrow.” He takes one look at my stricken face and paces away, hands on his head. “Goddammit.”
I’m frozen.
Am I the most selfish person in the world that I’m battling tears over this incredible opportunity for him? Am I so self-serving that I want him to stay so badly that my bones hurt at the idea of waking up tomorrow and watching him leave on a plane? I don’t know how I’m going to live without the possibility of him ducking beneath the doorframe of Sluggers at any moment. He won’t be able to when he’s across the country. Maybe when he’s on the East Coast, I’ll see him. We’ll meet up. But more than likely, we
won’t, because it’ll be too hard to keep saying goodbye over and over again.
But go with him? To California?
No.
Sluggers is my home. It’s the place that shielded and protected me when there was no other constant in my life. It’s a huge, scary world out there, and I will be vulnerable in the middle of it trying to chart a new path.