I feel the brush of Mackenzie’s fingers at my knee beneath the table, and can see the concern in her eyes when they meet mine, almost like she’s afraid I’m angry. Which I’m not, oddly. Sure, it would have been nice to know before sitting across from my fake girlfriend’s grandmother that said fake girlfriend is the biological counterpart to all that I am; maybe I might have switched to a less potent suppressant rather than staving off them entirely if I’d known that being around Mackenzie unsuppressed might slowly drive me crazy. At least the strange things I’ve been experiencing have a valid explanation, at the very least.
Mostly, I’m finding it hard to be angry about any of this when the alpha in me is already weaving daydreams about impossible, crude things that would most likely have Mackenzie throwing a punch. Hell, I’m considering throwing myself one just to knock some sense back into me.
I keep my expression even for the remainder of dinner—smiling when needed and answering as calmly as I can—all the while feeling a simmering something building in my belly that begs to be addressed.
Strangely, Mackenzie’s fingers remain lightly against my knee for the remainder of dinner.
* * *
?“Now, you two make room for dessert,” Moira calls from the kitchen. “After pie, I can show you my book!”
Mackenzie groans as she leads my still-tense figure from the kitchen to the living room and out the patio doors that open to a wooden deck connecting to the backyard—dragging me into the dark space that is only lit by the moonlight that spills over the grass and down the steps leading away from the deck.
“Listen,” she starts. “Don’t be mad.”
“Mad,” I echo.
“I know I should have said something before,” she says in a rush. “It’s not like I was hiding it from you, exactly, it’s just . . .”
I’m genuinely curious as to her reasoning for keeping something so important from me, so I only continue to look at her expectantly in lieu of answering.
Mackenzie sighs. “Look, I know all the dumb stories about alphas and omegas and fated pairs and all that bullshit—and I just didn’t want you to go all crazy on me if you found out. We have a good thing going here. I don’t want to change that.”
“You realize that by not telling me, you were putting us both at risk for some sort of misstep we can’t take back.”
“Don’t tell me you believe in all that garbage about us affecting each other more,” she scoffs. “It’s all a bunch of nonsense.”
“Is it?” I swallow thickly. “It’s been quite a while since I was off my suppressants, but I can never remember being this . . . affected by someone’s nearness.”
This takes her by surprise. Almost as much as it does me for saying it. “You’re . . . affected by me?”
“I only mean that it’s . . . difficult. Scenting you. More than it was before. Knowing what I do now, I have to assume it will only get worse as time goes on.”
“Oh.”
“You really haven’t noticed?”
Her nose wrinkles. I’ve decided it isn’t annoying.
“I mean . . .” She reaches to rub at her neck. It makes her scent bloom in the air. It’s extremely distracting. “I thought it was . . . I don’t know. You’re already a lot, Noah. I guess I just assumed that was all you.”
“I’m a lot,” I repeat dumbly, not quite sure of her meaning.
“I just mean . . . you already smelled good before you stopped your suppressants. I just thought you were . . . a lot.”
She says the phrase again like it makes total sense, but I’m still not sure it does.
“So what do we do about this?”
She is quiet for a long moment, her eyes calculating as she considers. It’s reminiscent of that look she gave me on the dance floor at the bar—like she’s trying to figure out some puzzle in her head. I can see when she comes to a decision, throwing me for a loop when she actually smiles.
“Why do we have to do anything about it?”
“What?” I make an exasperated sound. “Mackenzie. I can’t continue to be close to you without being on some form of suppressants.”
“Why not?”
“You know why,” I huff. “Eventually, being around each other is going to drive us crazy. We won’t be able to interact at all without feeling the need to—” I catch the way her eyes widen, and I clear my throat. “It’s a terrible idea.” I reach to pinch the bridge of my nose, sighing. “Maybe this entire thing was.”