“Are you still considering the job?”
“I . . .” My fingers drum along my desk absently as my frown deepens. “I should be, shouldn’t I? Not considering an opportunity like this just because I met someone would be ludicrous.”
I don’t say it like a question, realizing I’m talking to myself more than my mother.
“Someone and the one are two very different things,” my mother offers.
My voice comes out softer, like I’m afraid to say anything in relation to the possibility. “There’s no way I can know that. Not after so little time.”
“Honey, I’ve known you your entire life, and I can confidently say that the fact that you’re even struggling with this is a good indication that you at least have an idea.”
She’s right. I know she is. Pre-Mackenzie me wouldn’t think twice about climbing the ladder career-wise, no matter what it meant for my personal life. It’s all I’ve ever been concerned with. But then again . . . I’ve never had anything else to be concerned with.
“I just worry she’ll . . . change her mind about all of this.”
About me, I don’t say.
My mother doesn’t answer right away, but I can practically hear her thinking from the other end of the line. Eventually, she sighs into the receiver. “That’s the funny thing about love, Noah. It’s terrifying, and there are no guarantees. We don’t fall in love because it’s a sure thing. We fall in love because our hearts don’t speak the same language as our brains. Your heart doesn’t have that little voice that worries about what-ifs. It sees something good and it goes all in. Sometimes you just have to listen to your heart more than your head.”
My thoughts trip over the word love, because that also feels like some sort of foreign concept that couldn’t possibly relate to whatever it is Mackenzie and I are doing. It’s too soon. It has to be. At least . . . that’s what my head is telling me. I wonder if my mother is right when she says I should be listening to something else instead.
I shake my head, collecting myself.
“I just need a little time to sort through everything,” I settle on resolutely. “We haven’t even been on an actual date. It’s entirely possible that giving this a real go will make Mackenzie see that she has better options out there than, as you put it, a surly hermit.”
“Don’t do that,” my mother chides. “Don’t hide behind your insecurities. I know alphas are supposed to be tough and impervious to everything, but we both know you’ve kept that part of yourself so carefully hidden all of these years because you’re afraid someone will see the real you and not like what they see. You’re afraid to let people in.”
“It’s just easier,” I admit.
“Yeah, well,” my mother says. “Love sure as hell isn’t easy either.”
I chuff a laugh through my nostrils. “Language.”
“I’m your mother,” she tuts. “Do as I say, not as I do.”
“Right.”
“Just try not to get too in your head about this,” she urges. “I have a good feeling this Mackenzie of yours might surprise you.”
I don’t tell her that Mackenzie surprises me every day.
“Sure,” I answer, my lips tilting up at the corners. “I’ll try.”
“And bring her to meet us soon, damn it.”
“Lang—”
“Yeah, yeah.” Her tone is softer when she adds, “I love you. Even if you’re a surly hermit.”
My grin spreads. “Love you too.”
I hang up the phone, tossing it aside as I open my laptop to search for somewhere to take Mackenzie. I have every intention of finding her the fanciest damn soup she’s ever had.
19
Mackenzie
“What about this one?”
Parker looks up from my bed, where he’s scrolling through TikTok, wrinkling his nose at the dress his boyfriend, Vaughn, holds against me. “I don’t like the color.”
“You bought me this for my birthday,” I remark dryly.
“Did I?” His brow knits. “There’s no doubt in my mind that my mother must have picked that out for me. You know I have no eye for this shit. Hence”—he gestures in the general direction of his boyfriend—“I brought backup.”
I huff as I push Vaughn aside to go back to my closet. “I thought you were supposed to be good at this.”
“Not all queer people have good taste,” Parker snorts. “Don’t put me in a box. We can’t all be Tan France.”