Gabe believed in the afterlife. Believed in the myriad hells, the Shining Realm. When they’d spoken of it in the garden, it’d been all in abstracts, an intellectual exercise. But he believed she’d sent Milo to his eternal reward, only to rip him back out again. And that made her the kind of monster he’d sworn not to be.
Lore swallowed. Her eyes pricked, and that mortified her, welled up anger that made her vision even blurrier. Damn her feelings. Damn her heart, still wanting to be seen as good, when that had never, ever been an option.
“Really?” It came out small and hoarse. “You’re going to stand there and not say anything? You’re going to leave it like that?”
He stood there. He didn’t say anything. He left it like that.
Lore fled into her room and slammed the door behind her.
Sleep was hard to come by, but when it did, it washed over her like a black wave. No dreams, thankfully. Just rest, a vast and blank well of it.
Still, when the door clicked open, Lore woke immediately.
She sat up, sleep broken like a brittle board, completely awake in the time it took for her head to rise from her pillow. Someone stood at the threshold, silhouetted by firelight, tall and broad-shouldered and short-haired.
Gabe.
He didn’t speak, still. Neither did she. Nor did he move, but Lore slowly swung her legs around and put her feet on the floor, walked toward him until there was barely a handspan between her chest and his. He was warm; it radiated from him as if from a fire, calling to her cold.
This didn’t feel real. Not in the ditch of night, when the light was gone and thoughts were blurry, unreal hours meant for sleep. It didn’t feel real, and that was why both their hands raised at almost the exact same time. Hers settled on his bare chest; his rested on the back of her neck, fingers threading through the tangle of her brown-gold hair.
No words, no sound but their breathing. Then he bent forward, and she raised her chin to meet him, mouths colliding in warmth and need.
Gabe didn’t kiss like seduction. He kissed like starving, a hunger born from ill-fitting vows and anger and want. She could feel his teeth against her lips, his tongue sliding against hers insistently, and the moan that hummed in his throat was no artifice. Heat pooled between her legs; Lore’s mouth opened, wanting more, relishing the nearly animal intensity of him.
He pushed her farther into the room; she felt the windowsill dig into the small of her back, a sharp pain that Gabe alleviated by lifting her to sit on it instead. She wrapped her legs around his waist; he trailed openmouthed kisses down her neck. “Bleeding God,” he cursed against her collarbone, hoarse and rough. “Gods dead and dying.”
She could feel him pressed against her center, and it made her gasp as he pulled the shoulder of her nightgown aside, kissing the bared skin while his hand molded her breast. His thumb found the peak of it, drawn tight; he circled it lightly, and Lore gasped again, pressing closer, conscious thought fading into a hazy ache and a fire that burned everything else away.
When his mouth found hers again, Lore reached for Gabe’s belt.
He stilled, one hand on her breast, the other tangled in her hair. His lips wrenched away from hers, then his hands fell, bracing on either side of her hips on the windowsill.
It was so cold, with him gone. The glass pressed against her back, chilling her through.
Gabe’s forehead tipped against hers. Neither one of them said anything, just sitting like that for a moment, sharing the same breath and the knowledge that whatever had been about to happen wasn’t going to happen anymore.
Then he was gone, disappearing into the dark. Her door opened, his body blocking the sliver of light, then closed again.
Lore leaned back against the window and let the cold seep down to her bones.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Hold tight the rein of your body, for it will lead you into ruin.
—The Book of Mortal Law, Tract 67
She woke late the next morning, achy and tired, her eyes gummed with sleep. Last night felt like a dream, and she might’ve convinced herself it was, were it not for the slight bruise on her shoulder. A place where Gabe’s control slipped, lavender proof of near-sin.
Lore scowled at it and hiked up her nightgown. His control had won out, in the end. And as frustrating as it had been in the moment, part of her was glad for it now. Daylight through the windows chased out idle fantasies, limned everything stark and real and simple.
Things were complicated enough without all that.
Embarrassment made her middle a writhing knot, but Lore kept her chin high as she pushed open her door. Gabe would act like nothing happened; she’d let him. It was easier.