A Winter in New York(58)

She looked down at his hands around hers, strong and dependable, his thumbs stroking her wrists. He was right, of course. She was trying to have her cake and eat it too…

“Listen,” he said, his voice gentle in the quiet gelateria. “You’re too talented to stay here with me. I probably wouldn’t have let you even if you’d said yes. But so you know, you’re just about the most electric person I’ve ever met, and no one could ever, ever forget you. I know I won’t. I’ve only known you two days and I love you already. All of those things you said about yourself? I love all those things about you, and if you were to stay, I’d love all the other parts you think make you imperfect too.”

Hot, fast tears tumbled down Viv’s cheeks.

“I’ll stay,” she said, panicked at the thought of leaving him behind. “I’m going to stay here with you, Santo. I am. No one will ever love me like you again.”

He laughed as he shook his head. “You’re such an idiot,” he said. “The whole damn world’s gonna love you as much as I do.”

She envied his rose-tinted view of the world. “They haven’t so far.”

“Trust me,” he said, resolute.

Viv could feel herself splitting in two, wanting to leave and wanting to stay, both choices terrifying her in different ways. “I wish I could, I want to, but I don’t trust anyone. And no one trusts me,” she muttered.

“I trust you,” he said, steadfast.

“I wish I could believe you,” she whispered, pushing her chair backward. “I should probably go.”

He lifted his gaze to hers and held it steady, then suddenly stood and grabbed her hand. “I’ll show you,” he said, tugging her across to the counter. He tore a mint-green Belotti’s napkin in half and grabbed a pen, and she watched as he wrote across it in bold blue ink, then handed it to her.

“That’s how much I trust you,” he said.

She scanned it, her breath caught in her throat.

“No one outside my family has ever seen that,” he said. “If my family ever knew I’d given it to you, hell, I don’t know what they’d do. Disown me or something, probably. But I trust you, Viv. I trust you to keep it safe. You can go out there and be brilliant now because we’re connected, always. And every time you look at that napkin, I want you to remember that I’m right here on Mulberry Street if you ever need me.”

He pulled her into his arms and hugged her harder than anyone had ever hugged her before.

“I’ll bring it back,” she whispered, the napkin pressed against her wildly beating heart. “I’ll bring it back one day, I promise. I’ll give it back to you because I won’t need it anymore, because after that day you’ll be there to make the gelato for me. I won’t need the recipe to remember you by because you’ll be in my life again.”

“I look forward to that day,” he said, pressing a kiss against her hair.

She stepped back and wiped her eyes, picking up a photograph propped against the cash register.

“Can I take this?” she said, looking at the picture of Santo leaning against the shop window, his hand raised to shield his eyes from the summer sun.

He nodded, then made a picture frame with his hands and looked at her through it.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Taking a photo of you with my mind,” he said. “Keep still.”

She raised a trembling smile for Santo’s imaginary shot, then slid the photo and napkin inside her shirt for safekeeping.

“I’ll be seeing you,” she said, and he touched his fingers to his forehead in silent salute.

They didn’t say another word. He crossed the black-and-white checkerboard gelateria floor and opened the glass painted door, and she nodded and walked out into the hot July morning, her head high.

Santo watched her until she disappeared in the distance, flexing his fingers at his sides, aware of the forever scorch from temporarily holding on to lightning.





22.


I WALK AIMLESSLY, SNATCHES OF CHRISTMAS music reaching me from open shop doors. It feels as if New York has pirouetted seamlessly from Thanksgiving straight into holiday festivities, easy as changing from pumpkin latte to cinnamon spice. I think I just royally screwed up. I mean, I’m walking away single and off the hook about the recipe, so I guess you could objectively call that a win, but it certainly doesn’t feel like one. I’m heartbroken—and worse, Gio is too.

I don’t want to go home, I don’t know what to do with my Monday. I’m ghost-walking without really seeing where I’m going until raised voices in a side alley pull my attention back outside of myself. A girl, seventeen or eighteen at most, and a guy who looks a little older snatching her phone from her, shoving the screen in her frightened face, close enough for her to have to jerk her head backward against the wall. He’s mad about some message she’s received, demanding details, calling her names no one should be called. Nobody else has noticed, or if they have they’re not willing to intervene. I pause, feeling sick as I’m mentally thrown straight back into life with Adam. How I wish someone had intervened for me. I see the guy step uncomfortably close to her, his forearm in front of him across her shoulders, pinning her to the wall.

“Get your hands off her right now.”