A Winter in New York(61)

“I’m imagining that we’re on a desert island,” I say. “We’ve checked into the only place on the island, and it only has one room.”

“Ocean view?”

I nod and slice a sliver of steak. “One of those wraparound porches with sunchairs, uninterrupted turquoise as far as the eye can see.”

“Sunshine?”

“Sunglasses every damn day.”

“What’s it called, this place?”

“The Monday Night Motel,” I say.

“I mean, I meant the island, but I kind of like that now you’ve said it.”

“Service is a bit shit, though,” I say, tapping our empty wineglass.

He looks over my shoulder. “I’ll try to catch someone’s eye.”

“Forget it, I’ll do it myself,” I say, topping us up.

“We should complain to management,” he says, taking a sip of wine.

“Better not,” I say. “We might come again next Monday.”

“Let’s take our drink through to the bar,” he says, when we’re done eating.

I follow him to the sofa, lying with my head in his lap when he sprawls in the corner seat, his arm flung out across the cushions.

“This is turning out to be a pretty fine vacation,” he says, resting his head back and closing his eyes.

“An easy five stars on Tripadvisor,” I say, my legs propped on the back of the sofa.

“Oh no, let’s not tell anyone else about this place,” he says, looking down at me.

“You’re so right,” I say. “We don’t want word getting out.”

He strokes his index finger down the bridge of my nose. “You look peaceful,” he says.

I find I can’t easily answer. It’s been a tumultuous day, and I didn’t expect it to end with Gio. I move up the sofa into his lap and lay my head on his chest, relieved he didn’t take me at my word this morning. He pulls the blanket from the back of the sofa and settles it over us, then closes his arms around me so I’m warm and held and safe. I listen to his breathing as he strokes my hair, and it’s the dictionary definition of bliss. I haven’t felt this depth of peace for as long as I can remember. Maybe ever.





24.


MY MOTHER TOOK ME TO see Love Actually for my sixteenth birthday, popcorn smuggled in from the discount store. A trip to the movies was a high-days-and-holidays-level treat on our roster. Every time I catch the film on TV I remember my mother laughing beside me at Hugh Grant’s terrible dancing and the pin-drop silent audience heartbreak for Emma Thompson when she cried in her bedroom. My mother sang Joni Mitchell songs as part of her set for a while afterward, a heaven-sent match with the melancholy smoke of her voice.

Bella is sixteen in a few days. There’s to be a surprise party at the gelateria after closing time tomorrow and I offered to make the cake. It’s been pure joy to flex my baking muscles again, especially in the gleaming kitchens at Belotti’s—the temperamental stove at my apartment is far too risky for something as special as a sixteenth birthday cake. The temperature dial is more a request at home, it’s a moody old beast that burns on a whim.

Gift-buying was a whole new world of angst for me. I’ve no clue what sixteen-year-old girls are into, so I’ve picked out a simple silver trace chain bracelet with a tiny piano charm. I’m trying to strike the right note for “family friend who’s also Dad’s girlfriend, of sorts,” if there is such a category. There probably isn’t, it’s fairly niche.

Gio and I have paid another visit to the Monday Night Motel of Dreams, trying to pack enough into one night to see us through the week ahead since we’re no longer “working” on the recipe together. It’s a little like a long-distance love affair, a long week punctuated by one bone-meltingly good interlude. He calls me sometimes after midnight when Bella has gone to bed, hushed conversations in the dark, my phone on my pillow where I wish his head could be. And then I close my eyes to sleep alone, dully aware of the ever-present coil of tension in my gut, the low, insistent tick of a clock I’m ignoring at my peril. It breaks through into my dreams, changing them to nightmares where Gio turns to me in the coffee shop but it’s Adam wearing a Belotti’s apron, or the ripped napkin with their recipe across it falls from my pocket onto Maria’s polished mahogany floorboards. I wake in a hot panic, always with a sickly dread of having let them all down, cast out of the painted gelateria door surrounded by the shoddiness of my lies.

Are you sure Shen can cover my shift tomorrow?

I press SEND on my message to Bobby, hoping he’s remembered to make the arrangements. His reply comes back unsurprisingly fast—the man’s phone is in his hand at all times.

Green light, songbird.

I smile, relieved. I don’t see enough of him at the moment, he’s caught up in the whirlwind of opening a new Very Tasty Noodle House location and preliminary plans for another in Queens. Even so, he never lets me down.



* * *



—

“IS SHE TOO OLD for a surprise party?”

Gio looks at me and Sophia, doubt all over his face.

“No way,” I say.

“You’re never too old for a surprise party,” Sophia says.

“Maybe it’s just that I don’t like surprises,” he says, checking his phone.