Audre & Bash Are Just Friends(75)

“I like who you are,” she said quietly.

“I know this doesn’t seem like some big revelation in Brooklyn. Everyone’s queer here—no one gives a fuck. But you don’t know what my dad’s like.” He inhaled, his shoulders rising and falling. “I used to compete against this guy, Jaden, on a rival high school team. We always had a secret flirtation going. Remember I told you about my Oakland friend with panic attacks?”

“It was Jaden.”

Bash nodded, his eyes gone cloudy. “Anyway, one time we traveled to an away meet, down in Ventura? Somebody snuck Hennessey into the hotel, and all the teams got wasted. I was chilling in his room, right? And when his roommate passed out, he told me he was in love with me. And had been for years. Then he kissed me. I’d never kissed a boy, but he had. His roommate was right there, sleeping. Which made it feel… exciting. Anyway, his coach walked in on us. His coach told my coach, who called my dad. I didn’t know it yet, though.

“I found out that Saturday. I was doing drills at school. No one was there. Just my dad watching from the stands. After I ran one loop, he was waiting for me at the starting block. And I knew something was up. He never came down in the middle of a set. He’d sit there in the stands the whole time, watching and waiting in silence until after practice, when he’d tell me everything I’d done wrong.

“Out of nowhere, he grabbed my throat and said, ‘You ruined everything. You’re not my son. You’re soft. You are your mom’s mistake.’ He kept going on like that. I don’t remember much—I guess I’ve blocked it out.

“The next morning, he’d boxed up my trophies. He called my high school, the colleges recruiting me, the press, everyone, and said I was quitting track and field due to a quote, unquote private family matter. Said I was dead to him. Kicked me out. Gave me a court order approving my last name change—it went from Wallace to Henry, my mom’s name. He said he wanted to change my identity so no one could trace me back to him.” Bash took a small breath, shaken by the retelling. “The day I moved in with my mom, I still had bruises on my neck.”

“Monstrous. He turned his back on his own son? How could he do that to you?”

“Well, there’s more,” he said, chewing the inside of his mouth. “When I got to Jennifer’s, she casually asked me if my dad’s chemo treatments were working. I’m like, chemo? The fuck? She thought I knew about his diagnosis. That he’s dying of prostate cancer.”

Audre looked stunned. Instantly, her eyes went huge and watery. “I’m so sorry about your dad. Even though you have complicated feelings about him, I know this hurts. How… long does he have?”

“The doctors say he probably won’t make it till Christmas.” Now that the story was off his chest, he leaned back against the bench, allowing his shoulders to relax.

“And what happened to Jaden? The boy you hooked up with?”

He shut his eyes for a beat or two, pressing his fingertips against his brow bone. Finally, he opened his eyes. They were reddened. “I spoke to Jaden one more time, right before I left town. He wouldn’t let me in his house. He just stood in the doorway, and I was on the porch. I’ll never forget what he said to me. ‘What do I do now? I can’t grow a new heart.’ I’ve never seen anyone look so defeated. He looked like he’d been crying for days.” Bash paused for a beat, and then let out a long, shaky sigh. When he finally continued the story, his voice sounded smaller. “The scandal embarrassed his mom. I heard she sent him to some boarding school in Washington State. I’ve tried to call, to text, but he blocked me.”

“None of this was your fault,” she whispered. “You realize that, don’t you?”

Bash drew his mouth to one side and shrugged. For a long while, he sat in silence, thinking this over. When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet and thin. “It’s why I didn’t want to fall for you. I don’t wanna hurt anyone else. That one kiss ruined lives. I feel radioactive.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Bash. The parents in the story are the villains. Not you.”

“If you say so.” He went silent for a few more beats. “When I moved here, I decided not to take anything seriously. I wanted to forget. When I met you, I realized I wanted something else.”

“What’s that?

“You.” He sighed. “I wanted you.”

The air felt full—like the heavy stillness right before the sky opens up, sending down a crashing, thunderous storm. They sat there, hopelessly tangled in each other’s gaze. Looking at her, Bash knew that he was ready to take it all on. His sadness, her sadness, their wild attraction, this tender connection. In a way that was both certain and unexplainable, he wanted it all.

“You want me,” repeated Audre.

“I do,” he said, his eyes helplessly traveling to her mouth. “Badly.”

She let out a faint, barely audible gasp.

“What do you want?” asked Bash, eyeing her with aching vulnerability.

Unsurprisingly, Audre knew exactly what she wanted.

“I want a tattoo.”

And then, the sky really did open up, releasing an apocalyptic rainstorm.





Chapter 32


Of all the places she would have imagined being on a random summer Wednesday—sinking into the leather comfort of Bash’s tattoo chair wasn’t one of them.