Audre & Bash Are Just Friends(70)

Maybe she wouldn’t be the kind of girl who freaks out about taking chances.

She stared out into the water, remembering how Bash dove down deep to chase the Smurf lunch box. It seemed like a silly thing, hunting a 1980s-era relic at the bottom of the ocean. But Bash thought it was cool, so he took a chance and went for it. Weirdly, Audre was jealous—she wished she could be that carefree.

But it hurt too much to think of Bash. It shattered her in almost a physical way, causing her to double over, hugging her knees to her chest. Hot tears spiked behind her eyes. God, to be so close to something real… and then having it blow up in your face? It cut deep.

Her emotions were exploding in her brain like paintball pellets. She was furious at her dad. She felt betrayed by her mom (and Shane, to be honest!). She was annoyed by Baby Alice. And she was still offended by Reshma assuming she couldn’t handle Bash on her own. And she was miserable without Bash.

The way she felt about him wasn’t a crush. It wasn’t just physical attraction, either. They weren’t just friends. When Bash kissed her and held her in his arms, she could feel his heart beating between them, like it was outside of his body. When he palmed her cheek, his hands were shaking. She hadn’t imagined it or exaggerated it in her head. Bash was just as overwhelmed as she’d been.

Bash dropped her because he was afraid of hurting her. (Whatever that meant.) But there were two of them in this situation, and it wasn’t fair that he got to make the decisions. It wasn’t fair for him to decide what would hurt her—before she had a chance to see for herself.

And hadn’t Eva done the same thing? She’d created a string of pretty lies to teach Audre before she had a chance to hear the truth about her mom—and judge for herself. Audre’s whole life, she’d elevated her mom to idol status. She was her prototype for womanhood, for Black feminist excellence. But she had her all wrong! Eva had a… dark past. And they weren’t alike, at all. Eva was the opposite of who Audre was. It was outrageous.

But at the bottom of her outrage was something else. Something weirder, something harder to define.

She was in awe of her mom.

Eva said she’d been a runaway. A delinquent. Not a day went by that Audre didn’t wish to be someone who didn’t care—about expectations, other people’s opinions, or being the best. She was always fascinated by kids who skipped class, didn’t turn in their homework, and never worried about their future. What she wouldn’t have given to live a day in their shoes.

Chin resting on her knees, she stared out into the Atlantic, wondering if that Smurf lunch box was still there. And if it was gone, had another one washed up? She yearned to jump in and find it. After all, Audre was a strong swimmer. She’d been swimming in Malibu for as long as she could remember. Why not just jump in?

But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. With her luck, something would go wrong. Maybe she’d get captured by a member of that water tribe species from Avatar and dragged down to her death. It wasn’t worth the risk. Besides, if she were successful, who would she tell? She’d been rejected by the one person who would’ve celebrated with her.

But that was the old Audre, wasn’t it? Doing great things so other people would be proud of her. What if she did it just to impress herself?

She raised her chin up from her knees. As the roar of the sea filled her ears, she stood up, dusted off the sand from her skin, and stared out at the preternaturally still water. With the faintest hint of a satisfied smile, she ran for the water.





Chapter 30


“So, first week of August, then?” asked Mack Rhodes, Myrtle Beach’s tattoo artiste extraordinaire. “My assistant emailed you your travel confirmation, right?”

“Yep, yesterday.” Bash nodded, though Mack obviously couldn’t see him through the phone. “Is there anything I should bring?”

“Nah, we have everything at the shop. Just bring yourself and an open mind. You’ll be working on dummies, so think of this as the chance to take risks with your designs. Wherever your bar is today? Raise it. Your week at Fifth Angel will be the most important audition you’ll ever have. Treat it as such.”

“Bet. Will do.”

“Looking forward, kid. See you in a couple weeks.”

Just bring yourself and an open mind. Hadn’t Bash basically said the same thing to Audre before they started her Experience Challenge? He had, and she did. And now everything was ruined. He’d fallen for her and then freaked out. And now, whatever they almost were, was done.

And the job opportunity he’d been dreaming of? He was starting to feel conflicted about it. He’d been so dead set on moving far away, starting his adult life somewhere new. But that was before he met Audre.

God, he missed her. And he was miserable. It was as if the color had been drained from the world, leaving everything a dull, faded thrift store print. A sad reminder of former vibrancy. Which was more depressing than no color at all.

Lost in thought, Bash placed his phone by his side and continued exercising. He was lying flat on his back on the kitchen floor, a stability ball between his ankles. Slowly, he rotated his legs to the right, and then to the left. This was his favorite recovery exercise from his competition days—it calmed his muscles down, helping him relax after running at breakneck speed. During meets, he ran like he was surging out of his body, shedding his mortal skin and transforming into a superhuman speed demon. But afterward, he loved sinking back into his skin. Becoming Bash again.